Note to Self
by angel422
Summary: COMPLETE! Please R&R! Jude's Sophomore album is finished and tragedy and wonderful news changes Jude's life and her relationship with Tommy. Sequel coming tommorrowJude's European Tour.
1. Chapter 1

This takes place after "The Jean Genie."

Maybe it was a dream on my part; the kind where nothing ever happens the way reality tells you it should. Or maybe it just happened so fast that it merely appeared to be something I only conjured up in my imagination. God only knows that I tried to stop the madness. But it only spread like some unidentified infectious disease, taking hold and catching fire until everything was consumed. For goodness sake, Alice had the looking glass--Dorothy had a pair of red ruby slippers and a tornado. All I had was a run-down apartment turned studio and an ink pen with either paper, post-it notes, or even napkins-- depending upon the situation-- as well as a tendency to write lonesome songs about my very confusing, albeit very active love life. I mean tell me, hah, did I actually just kiss 'butt-kicking' Vincent Spiedermen. Wow, I don't even surprise myself anymore!

But looking now into Spied's eyes as the rain trickled chillingly down the sides of my face, I came to an amazing realization—I actually felt my heart grow bigger. How ridiculous did that just sound, I know? But really, after loving Shay, who literally tore my heart into shreds, and then trying to pick up the pieces by allowing myself to believe that I might actually love Jamie as more than the best friend I have always known him to be, I find it encouraging that I can actually still feel such an electric charge course through my body after such a small but intimate lip lock.

"Yo, Jude." Spied said softly as I felt myself slowly shaken out of my thoughts to find him smiling at me before playfully tugging on a strand of my hair.

"Earth to Jude. Although I am highly giddy that my kiss can turn you into such a beautific puddle of mouth-opening awe, something tells me the only thing we're going to be doing for each other if we don't get out of this rain soon is wiping each other's runny noses and taking turns reading the display window on my handy digital thermometer." Spiederman said jokingly as he slowly turned me toward his car. Leave it to Spied to make a person feel incredibly comfortable around him even after sharing a moment that would forever alter our relationship. Somehow, it only made him seem more endearing. Okay…stop right there, Jude Harrison! Ugh! Endearing, wow that is not a word I would normally use to describe Spiederman (laugh out loud). Where did that description come from? Maybe I do need that handy digital thermometer (grin). I let my hand rest on Spiederman's arm as he slid into the driver's seat, and he wrapped his fingers around mine as he drove one-handed out into the street. I think we both just needed a moment to process the crossroads we had just come to in our relationship, so Spied drove in silence for a while and I settled comfortably into my thoughts until I realized dazedly that he had pulled into my driveway. I looked at him then and smiled before saying,

"I think this is a good thing." He smiled back and leaned over once again to kiss me gently on the lips. His skin was cool from the rain and the contact felt good against my warm skin.

"Me too, Blondie. Now, go dry off and have wildly dirty dreams about me." He said as he gently shoved me from the car. I laughed loudly at his quip and placed my hand with mock dramatization against my heart, "Bestow my bleeding heart! How shall I ever endure the night?" I cried mournfully until I saw the mischievous twinkle in Spied's eyes as he cocked one eyebrow knowingly. I quickly placed my hand against the car door and slammed it shut as I yelled into his open window. "Don't you dare say anything. I mean it…Don't answer that question. Not one word. I have a feeling I don't want to know." I laughed as I turned and ran into the house. Wow, how things have changed for me lately.

I heard Sadie singing loudly (and rather off-key) as I passed by her cracked bedroom door, and I stopped and listened with a fond, amused grin.

"Please, Sadie," I moaned. "You'll have all the cats in the neighborhood serenading each other by morning if you don't stop that racket." I groaned again as I pushed the door to her room open while chuckling with amusement at my own joke. Sadie rolled her eyes and grinned.

"Wait until you see me on stage." Sadie quipped as she took a bow and brushed past me on her way out of the room. "Yeah, I'll be the one on the front row with my hands over my ears." I said teasingly as I glanced back into her room in sudden thought.

"Hey, Sades! Where's Tommy? I thought you two would go out together tonight after the charity gig." I asked as Sadie stopped suddenly in her tracks and glanced over her shoulder with an almost guilty expression on her face.

"I decided I would let him stew for a little while. I went out with Portia instead. You know, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder." Sadie shrugged and continued down the hall. Something tugged at my heart as I thought about Tommy looking for Sadie only to find that he had been stood up. I could understand why she had done it. Tommy had been acting really distant lately almost to the point it was becoming obnoxiously annoying. But I was afraid that Sadie was only hurting herself by trying to show Tommy that she could be distant too. "_Stop it, Jude_." I berated myself quietly. _"You are not in a position to even pretend you know Tommy well enough to know that."_ Tommy was an enigma—that's the only way to describe it. We have a love-hate relationship at times that clicks really well. Who knows why? I am certainly not one to question the fates about it. We are two polar opposites, but sometimes I find that I can read him better than anyone else. Maybe it's because, despite our age difference, we are both trying to find our way in a world of chaos constantly afraid of rejection—he as a producer and I as a performer. But, in the end, who knows. I gave up trying to figure out our relationship a long time ago. I think we are at that point now where, hey, we know there is an attraction there but neither of us wants to cross that boundary. And, believe it or not, I think I have finally found a person I can truly care about in Spiederman. Who knows? Thoughts started plaguing me as I climbed into bed—thoughts that probably shouldn't. I glanced out the window at the full moon silhouetted beyond the curtains. A full moon—hmm…weird things happen on a full moon.

The next few days were like a blur for me. SME and I were putting together some really great music, and I was becoming really excited about the outcome. When all is said and done, I actually discovered that I enjoyed working with SME in a way I never thought I would. Until Tommy, I had never shared my music, either writing or singing, with anyone. It had always been about me and only me. Now, I was part of a group and really enjoying it. Somehow it made me and my music better. It was like working with the brothers I never had. Only one thing about that bothered me—my relationship with Spiederman. Spiederman did things for me that no one else could. Sparks flew when we were in a room together. Music sounded better when we worked together. But even though I loved, yes loved, Spied in a deeply profound way—if you count having constant pillow fights and laughing fits that ended in soulful stares and heated kisses profound—something nudged at my conscience. All in all, he made me happy. I smiled and laughed constantly when I was with him. But something was off kilter about our connection. It lacked the depth that my relationship with Tommy had always held. I think part of the anger Tommy and I shared with each other was because of the fire that constantly brewed at the surface under our skin. My only fear is that one day we won't be able to contain the fire. Scarier even than that, who will those flames end up burning? Oh, if only a person could shut off their own thoughts. I needed time to just be by myself for a while so I took my guitar and headed for the place I knew I could be alone--an overhang that overlooked the city. It was chilly, and I shivered in my T-shirt as I sat down on a bench and strummed absent-mindedly at my guitar. Sometimes, my best lyrics came when I wasn't even trying.

I look into the eyes of the world and what do I see 

_But the eyes of the world looking back at me._

_I see the chaos reflected back in its stare_

_Enraptured in its mindless never ending moments_

_Standing there, I wonder why I care_

_Why my heart breaks at its numbing suspense. _

_I won't go down that road again,_

_There is sadness there I say_

_Too many regrets down the paths I have been,_

_Give me the strength to walk away._

_Hummmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm_. Strumming silently, I hummed the last bars as the wind blew through my hair like icy fingers tugging away at my soul. Meaningful lyrics. I just hoped I could remember them without having brought anything to write them down with. A noise behind me startled me, and I felt the guitar slip from my hands as I sat up with a start. A hand reached out and caught the straps of my guitar as I turned to find myself looking into the ocean blue depths of Tommy Q's eyes.

"Woe, Harrison. What would you do without my lightening speed reflexes?" Tom said lightly as he gently pushed me over so he could sit down. I glanced over my shoulder to see Tom's Viper parked behind us and then glanced back expectantly at Tom himself.

"What are you doing here, Quincy? Aren't you needed at the studio?" I asked bemused at how even in seeking solitude, I always seemed to manage to attract Tom's presence. I have barely known him even a year, and I can barely remember what life was like before that first day at G Major Studio. Tom shrugged.

"Jude, have you even looked to see what time it is?" He said with a twinkle in his eyes. He knows how I get when I'm lost in thought or in my music. I looked at my watch then and swore, loudly at that. Tommy cocked a brow and chuckled under his breath.

"Besides I could ask you the same question, Jude. I haven't seen you write without SME in a while. By the way, that song sounds great. I guess I haven't taken the time to notice how your music has grown." Tommy said quietly. I shivered suddenly as if I abruptly felt the cold for the first time. Tommy must have noticed because he slipped his jacket off his shoulders and held it out to me, but I just shook my head and stood up quickly.

"I really appreciate the gesture Tom, but the time quip just reminded me that I am seriously late. I was supposed to meet Spied thirty minutes ago. Catch you later, maybe? I asked regretfully. I actually missed just sitting down and chatting with Tommy, and I found I didn't want to leave. Tom nodded, and I smiled at him.

"Could I give you a ride?" Tom asked. I laughed as I pointed to the old car Spied, my dad, and I were trying desperately to restore.

"Actually, I think we have finally managed to restore my car enough I can at least get around in it. Although if it makes you feel better to follow to make sure I don't lose some major automotive components, feel free Quincy." I said on a laugh. Tom glanced behind him, grinned, and then shuddered dramatically.

"No, I'm headed to meet with Sadie. Besides, I don't want you near my Viper with that thing. You drive worse than a kid in bumper cars at the Fair." I hrrrmphed at him in mock anger as we both walked toward our separate vehicles.

"Later Quincy." I said as I closed my car door.

"You too Harrison." I heard Tommy say before the sound of my sick engine came warbling to life drowning out anything else. It was great laughing with Tommy again. Too great.

_A few weeks later…._

"_I am a woman of mystery awaiting for my James Bond savior of a man to sweep me off my feet, place a rose between my pearly white teeth, and tango with me out the door into a muggy night surrounded my flowers…."_

Okay, Okay, Okay…So my daydreams are much much better than the screeching coming from the stage as Sadie dances her way to the ending of the opening night of her musicale. I winced at the irony of it, but I was really proud of her for trying something not normally what I would consider her realm of talents. You certainly won't see me wearing the latest fashion dress, speaking French, and dawdling around with sorority girls or with the local debate team so "All Hail to the almighty Sades!" A brush of air swept against my arm as Little Tommy Q finally swept into the empty seat behind me. (Pout) Here's to hoping my James Bond would come flying in, although a leather jacket on Tom Quincy certainly looked better than any tuxedo had ever looked on the international man of mystery. "Did I miss much…." Tommy asked about the same time everyone around him clapped and applauded as the show ended. I quirked my eyebrow up at him as Kwest stood up and shouted out encouragement to Sadie. As we walked back stage, I leaned toward Tommy and whispered, "nice knowing you dead man," before patting him on the shoulder. I was just about to say something else when we suddenly came face to face with a beaming Sadie. She talked hurriedly in her excitement and we congratulated her one at a time as Tommy tried to compliment her awkwardly on her looks. "Save it, Quincy, your seat was empty all night." Sadie said as I magically made appear Sadie's favorite flowers and handed them to her rather stoically. "I told him it wasn't worth being late for." I said as Sadie gasped and hugged Tommy happily. "I can't believe you remembered!" She gushed. "Me neither." Tommy mumbled before mouthing _"Thank you," _to me behind Sadie's back. "Your welcome." I said quietly as I watched the two of them hug each other--Sadie beaming and Tommy smiling in relief. And for the first time, I actually found myself smiling at the scene when months before it would have been painful to watch. Maybe it was because I had learned that I had clearly developed feelings for Spiederman that I was still trying to explore or maybe it was because I was now at that point in my life that I was realizing that loving someone sometimes meant that seeing them happy was enough to make you happy too. Deep huh? I might have deep, troublesome issues with Math but I am discovering that the subject of Philosophy may have distinctive possibilities in my future. Note to self: remember to explore that thought more later.

The group was moving toward the exit, and I followed while only slightly listening as they planned a dinner out on the town. It was nights like these that I realized how much I missed my own friends—or at least the friends we had been in the past. Instead of listening to Sadie ramble, I could be sitting next to Kat making fun of whatever goofy movie (probably sub-titled) that Jamie would have picked out for us to watch. Jamie would be railing about the infinite positive points the movie had as if he were some critic exploring the deep realms of movie-making symbolism. And at some point, we would all end up laughing hysterically on the floor after vegging on whatever junk I could dig up out of the kitchen before getting out my guitar and strumming it thoughtfully with Kat and Jamie critiquing in the background. The melancholy must have shown on my face because I felt a hand on my shoulder and the pressure of fingers squeezing it reassuringly before tugging me slightly to the side. I guess at some point during the walk to the parking lot, Tommy had sidled to the back of the group to walk beside me. "Hey Jude, you feeling okay tonight?" Tom asked as he lifted my chin up with his finger to look into my eyes. I shook my head slightly in order to dislodge his finger and smiled up at him nonchalantly. "I'm fine, just had a moment of Déjà vu' that's all." I answered quietly. Tommy shrugged his shoulder slightly and continued to walk a moment before hesitantly asking. "Why did you help me back there with Sadie, Jude?" I stopped and looked at him with probably the most honest expression I had ever used. "Because I wanted to see you and Sadie happy." A car door slammed as Kwest and Portia climbed into Kwest's car and shut the doors behind them. I looked back at Sadie who was waiting on Tommy, congratulated her one more time, and climbed into Kwest's car so he could drive me home. No way was I going to get stuck riding in between Sadie and Tommy in the Viper. I glanced out the window to see Tommy still looking in my general direction before he shook his head slightly as if trying to clear it before taking a hold of Sadie's waist and moving toward his car. Oh, The enigma of Tom Quincy's mind. I can actually imagine two Tom's dueling inside his brain, holding up two swords and yelling "En Garde!"

_Later that night…_

Returning home is normally not that big a deal for me…Okay that was a lie. I can see my nose growing longer than Pinocchio's as I speak. I can't even count the number of times I have walked in on some sort of drama in the Harrison household—mostly having to do with a particular couch and a tango of the horizontal type. Would describe, really I would, but I have blocked those moments from my memory for therapeutical reasons. Seriously, I have no desire to find myself lying on a couch while a skinny, twisted woman with beady eyes stares unremittingly at me over an ugly pair of horn-rimmed glasses giving me an occasional sympathetic "uh huh" or "hmmm" before spewing whiny psycho babble from her pinched mouth. To me, that would be as irritating as a buzzing fly--so irritating in fact that I can visually see myself wishing quite emphatically for a damn fly swap. Hmmm, I wonder if therapists actually listen during those long monotonous sessions? Wouldn't it be interesting to shake things up a bit. Oh, how I would love to see my imaginary therapist grimace when I began to tell her that sure I had 'visitors' in my room at night. What did she think of encounters with little green men, or even better, the mad hatter and the tin man? If only I had a heart. Okay, enough about that. I was still standing dumb-founded as I stared in open mouthed wonder at my mother's newest, huh, mid-life crisis decision, maybe, when I heard the door behind me open and close ceremoniously. Laughter filled the room as I heard Tommy and Sadie making their way towards the back of the house where I now stood gaping like a drooling dog. I knew when I heard a sudden shriek that Sadie had just noticed mom's new acquisition. Turning toward Tommy who had stumbled (I mean really stumbled) next to me, I mumbled,

"Pinch me, Quincy, or at least tell me I am not the only one having the strangest dream in Harrison history. No, wait. Going to close my eyes now." Closes eyes, Opens Eyes. "Okay, nope, still there. Now pinch me." Sadie's Shrieking had only grown louder if you can imagine that and my mother's excitement was giving me a headache. "Okay, never mind, Tom. There is no way that Sadie's shrieking is part of a dream. The real thing just can't be replicated. I so have to call Spiederman. He'll pop over in a heart beat if he thinks he can get a glimpse of me in a bikini." I said hurriedly as I rushed back into the back door of the house, glancing only once more behind me at the hot tub (yes hot tub) sitting stoically at the back of the Harrison residence. Oh yeah!

Tom Quincy at the Studio with Kwest 

Tommy leaned over the soundboard listening to some lyrics that he had been working on with Mason when he felt air brush past him through the open door. Glancing behind him, he noticed Kwest coming into the room with two steaming cups of java. "Oh there is a God" Quincy thought as he lifted his hand to signal that he was almost done. After piddling with a few more mix ideas, he set his headphones aside and lifted the steaming brew to his lips almost reverently. Kwest nodded thoughtfully.

"It looked like you might need a break." Kwest said knowingly. "You've seemed really distracted lately. Is there something on your mind, Tom?" Tommy looked up at Kwest with a shuttered expression on his face almost as if he had a flashing neon sign pinned to his face that read: _Warning: Watch where you're going_.

" You know since Darius took over, we've all had extra pressure put on us, Kwest. I'm just a little stressed." Tommy stated matter-of-factly. Kwest sighed loudly.

"Come on, Tom! I've known you a long time. I have seen you a)stressed, b)angry, c)depressed, d)happy, and e)all of the above. No, I don't think that stress is your only problem. What I see written all over your face is confusion." Kwest said almost irritably. "Seriously, just come out and say what's really bothering you, Tom. It would make things better for all of us." Tommy looked at Kwest a moment almost angrily before his expression softened. With a weary sigh, he sat down on a chair near the soundboard. Kwest sat down next to him.

"Don't even say it, Kwest." Quincy warned. "She's just part of the problem. I am still not sure how to deal with that right now. And then there's the studio. Ever since Darius took the reins, I have very little control as a producer. I feel stifled—suffocated. Jude is my anchor right now even if she seems to believe it is the other way around. Believe me, I know the ramifications of that, but the blinding jealousy when I saw Jude with Spied…well, you'd think I would know to leave well enough alone by now." Kwest just shrugged and said,

"I think your biggest problem is the fact that you are dating Sadie, but are in love with someone else." The sound of breaking glass broke through Tommy and Kwest's reverie. "What the…" Tommy started as the door suddenly swung open to reveal a very pale, very angry Sadie Harrison.

"OUT WITH IT, TOM! Come on, Quincy, I am giving you the chance to explain!" Sadie shrieked as she walked stiffly into the room. Tommy hesitated. He wasn't sure what Sadie had heard and he wasn't about to stick his foot into his mouth. Kwest coughed suddenly and tilted his head toward the door. Tom looked up to see Jude standing with her brows scrunched together in confusion.

"What's going on here?" Jude asked as Kwest suddenly swept past Tommy and grabbed Jude by the arm."

"I think we should go, Jude." Kwest said quietly as Sadie railed behind him.

"I mean, were you going to tell me you were cheating on me? Who is she, Tom?" Sadie asked the last question almost in a whisper. Tom looked behind Sadie's shoulder to see Jude watching them as she and Kwest walked away. He looked back at Sadie then and said quietly,

"Just calm down Sades. I can honestly say that I am not cheating on you. Kwest and I were just discussing something completely random that could certainly be misconstrued. Don't make a bad situation out of nothing." Believe it or not, Tommy was actually being honest. He was not cheating on her, but he could tell from the look in her eyes that something had clicked in her brain and she was assuming the worst.

"Give it up, Quincy! I can't believe I was so stupid. You've been so distracted lately—always late. The classic signals." Sadie slapped the palm of her hand against her forehead. "God, I'm an idiot." She raved as she turned and fled the room.

"Sadie! Sadie…Come on, Sadie!" Tom yelled before grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair and running out the door behind her.

Returning to Jude 

I looked at Kwest as he led me from the room with an intent expression—Too intent. Just from the way I was staring at him with my eyes dilated and nostrils flaring, Kwest had to know he was in a for a serious Q&A session. Obviously he took the hint because he shook his head and pointed to the studio door.

"Don't, Jude. This is one occasion where even I know the explanation should not come from me. You want answers, then talk to Tom." Kwest said with a shake of his head. I stared at him harder, but the warning look that came into his eyes ensured that I was not going to get any further answers from him. Sadie's voice kept reverberating through my head as I left the studio behind "_When were you going to tell me you were cheating on me, Tom."_ Wow, that was not what I was expecting to hear. Sadie and Tom had an unusual relationship where they spent more time making out or fighting than actually talking, but that was still not a question I had ever expected to come from Sadie's mouth. Could Tom really be cheating on her? _"Don't Jude."_ I warned myself. This was no time to make assumptions. I respected Tom enough to want to know what was going on before I made judgment. Or at least that is what I kept telling myself until I made it home only to encounter a very heart broken Sadie. She entered the house not far behind me with her cheeks tear-stained and covered in dark streaks from the mascara she had applied so carefully earlier in the day. I reached for her when I saw her, but she just waved her hand angrily and began kicking the couch in frustration.

"What's wrong with me, Jude. Why do I let him do this to me?" Sadie raved as she finally collapsed from lack of energy into a heap on the living room floor. I shook my head slightly and hunched down next to her on the floor.

"I may be the younger sister, but broken hearts have become my specialty lately, Sadie. One thing I do know about them is this: Don't let yourself fall apart until you are sure you have something to fall apart about." I said as Sadie shot me a look that said, "_come on, Jude." _

_"_Jude, he cheated on me." Sadie said matter-of-factly as she leaned back against the wall exhaling loudly as she did. I only stared at her a moment before I took her face in my hands and forced her to look directly into my eyes.

"Are you sure, Sadie? I mean, really sure?" I asked her firmly. I could tell by the look that came into her eyes that there was no convincing her otherwise. I did not envy Tom at that moment in the least.

"Jude, I heard Kwest tell him he thought Tommy's biggest problem was he was dating me but was in love with someone else. How would you take that? And look at how distracted he's been lately, how late he's been to everything. How much more certain can you get?" Sadie said harshly. I only shrugged and looked away. I had to admit that sounded pretty bad even to me. A banging on the door suddenly intruded the silence that had fallen between us, and we both looked at each other and then at the door before Sadie suddenly shot up and ran out the back. Another knock sounded and another then,

"Sadie, come on, open up Sadie. I really think we should talk." Tommy yelled wearily through the heavy wood. I glanced over my shoulder through the open back door before turning toward the locked front door with a heavy sigh. The sound of the lock clicking open never sounded louder than it did at that moment. I think things just sound more audible when you know that whatever is about to happen is going to be life changing. Note to self: should probably write down philosophical thoughts, could make much money someday. Just look at Dr. Phil. Hmmm….. The door creaked as it opened. Had it ever creaked before? Weird how I never noticed. Tommy was standing there with one hand gripping the door jam while his head was tilted forward facing the ground. He looked up then with a look that seemed more tired than desperate. He didn't seemed surprised that I was the one facing him now instead of Sadie. He just nodded slightly and brushed past me.

"Jude…." He started slowly, but before he could finish I held up my hand and pointed to the back.

"She went out the back, Tom" I said quickly. He hesitated for a moment before turning and rushing out the door. I heard them fighting before I even made it out the back. Standing next to the hot tub, the reflection of the water shimmering over their features almost made the moment seem surreal. Sadie was a great debater. Almost anything Tom could say, I knew she could turn it around. But surprisingly, less than a minute into the argument, Sadie did the most unusual thing. She began to weep—not cry—weep. Lord, I was tired of pain. Okay, before I go on, I should reveal that I am not a very rational person—ruled as I am mostly by passion instead of common sense. Without a single thought in my little bottle blond head, I marched over to the pair and did the most amazing thing. I pushed Tom Quincy into the hot tub, looked at him and said,

"I thought you were different." Before I marched off into the night. Okay, at the back of my mind, I knew that was a childish move on my part. Their problems were none of my business, but screw rationality. Ugh, what is wrong with me? I heard someone behind me, and I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was.

"I didn't cheat on her, Jude." Tom said softly from behind my shoulder. I walked to a tree nearby, turned around, and leaned back against the trunk. Shouldn't he be back at the house trying to convince Sadie of that? But, then again, she had probably run off on him after I shoved him in the hot tub.

"I know that, Tom. I know you didn't cheat on her, but have you been leading her on. I mean, do you really love her or is the only thing between you two attraction because, although it may not seem that way sometimes, she is my sister and there has been enough pain in my family lately." I said firmly. Tom just stared at me a moment before running his hands through his damp hair.

"I don't think that…oh, damn Jude, I don't know. I'm not even sure if Sadie knows. She has had a crush on me since my Boyz Attack days. Sometimes I wonder if what she really finds attractive about me is my past. It isn't about me leading her on. I think we have both been leading each other on. But, Jude, what's going on between Sades and I is…well it's between us." Tommy said while I stood basically twiddling my thumbs in aggravation.

"I know that, Tom. No, I should have known that. I am not even sure why I reacted like I did. God, we really need to get out of each other's lives don't we?" I said with a laugh. I glanced up to see Tom smiling too so I figured everything was okay between us.

"Jude, I think I changed things for us when I kissed you on your sixteenth birthday. I wasn't trying to change anything, but…" Tommy began but I walked up to him and placed a finger hurriedly against his lips.

"Don't Quincy. I'm not stopping you from saying anything because I want you to stop, but because I don't think your ready to say anything." I said as it suddenly hit me that maybe after all of this time hoping he would say something about our kiss that maybe **_I_** wasn't ready to hear it yet. Tommy's eyes widened in shocked amusement as he obviously came to the same conclusion.

"Jude Harrison afraid? I don't believe it." He said softly as he drew nearer to me in the dark. Both of us jumped when a loud hrumppph filled the air behind us, and I winced at the loud 'clearing of throat' intervention mostly because I knew who was behind it. With trepidation, I slowly glanced behind Tom's shoulder to see Spied leaning against a tree with a very unreadable expression on his face.

"Um, Jude, I think we need to talk." Spied said as I glanced from his face to Tommy's. Tom stared intently into my eyes conveying without even speaking that he would fix this problem with Spied and I if I wanted him to, but I slowly shook my head and walked around him to meet up with Spied. Spied's eyes scared me. They were too unreadable and, unlike Tommy, Spied had always been fairly readable to me. We walked in silence for a moment until I couldn't stand the quiet any longer.

"You said you wanted to talk, Spied." I said before tugging on his arm in an attempt to make him stop walking. Spied and I matched in fire and passion so I knew from personal experience that neither one of us got angry. We stewed. Spied looked down at me and shrugged.

"For the first time, Jude, I think I am at a loss for words or even jokes." Spied said quietly. I looked at him before punching him playfully on the arm.

"Spied out of jokes. I think we should call the hospital about this." I said with a chuckle. Spied didn't laugh along with me.

"Cut it out, Jude. What was that back there? I mean, be honest with me. I love you, Jude. But there has always been a piece of you that you seem to hold back from me. Is Tommy the reason why? Do you love him? Because I sure as hell didn't know anything about you having kissed Tommy before. For the sake of the band, you need to tell me now before I fall for you enough that I won't be able to walk away without a fight. I love you and your music. I don't want to lose our music so please tell me if we have a future together or whether the only thing we're going to be sharing is our guitars." Spied asked defiantly as I stood stupefied next to him. Most of those questions I wasn't even ready to answer for myself much less for anyone else. I shook my head sadly only because I knew it was wrong to lead him on.

"I love you too, Spied. I just don't know how much. I won't lie and say that I don't have feelings for Tommy because I do. I don't even know why. The two of us will probably never explore the depths of those feeling enough to know ourselves. But what I do know is this: whatever I do feel for him has managed to interfere in any relationship I've had since I met him so maybe it is better if we just go back to being Jude and SME until I can figure it out myself huh?" I said as tears rolled down my cheeks. I don't like to cry, but my heart was breaking not for me but for Spied. Spied's eyes shone with unshed tears. But he hugged me anyway and kissed me on the cheek. I think neither one of us were willing to lose our friendship. He was being the bigger man about it and it thoroughly impressed me. We just held each other for a moment before he finally pulled back from me, searching my face with shiny eyes.

"Don't expect me to wait for you, Jude. "He said softly. I watched as he turned and started to walk away.

"I don't." I said in a whisper as his retreating figure took a piece of my heart along with it. I knew I loved him, but deep down I also knew I was being unfair to him and I wasn't willing to do that either. A rustle of leaves behind me caused me to glance back to see Tommy standing there with a knowing expression in his eyes, but upon eye contact, we both turned and walked in opposite directions. A lot had happened to us both tonight and I don't think either of us was ready to face up to it yet. Once back in my room, I grabbed my guitar and sat in a corner strumming a tune that was beginning to hold a lot of meaning for me.

I look into the eyes of the world and what do I see 

_But the eyes of the world looking back at me._

_I see the chaos reflected back in its stare_

_Enraptured in its mindless never ending moments_

_Standing there, I wonder why I care_

_Why my heart breaks at its numbing suspense. _

_I won't go down that road again,_

_There is sadness there I say_

_Too many regrets down the paths I have been,_

_Give me the strength to walk away_

_Too many questions, so many questions, _

_Way too much unease_

_I need answers, give me some answers,_

_Bring me my reprieve_

_Unwritten verse in an written story, oh fear_

_Not knowing what's around the bend_

_Not knowing what draws near_

_I'm not afraid of the story, but how it will end._

_I won't go down that road again,_

_There is sadness there I say_

_Too many regrets down the paths I have been,_

_Give me the strength to walk away_

_My heart grows daily, bursting at the seams._

_There is greatness in the people I have known_

_Wonder in the part they've played in my dreams._

_Oh, how, with them, I have grown._

_Where do we go from here?_

_I won't let myself be afraid._

_Shadows may draw near_

_But with struggle greatness is made. _

_Too many questions, so many questions, _

_Way too much unease_

_I need answers, give me some answers,_

_Bring me my reprieve_

_I looked into the eyes of the world and what did I see._

_But the eyes of the world looking back at me._

And with the last stroke of the guitar, the tears ran hot--streaming with a vengeance down my face as if they couldn't seem to come fast enough. It was a beautiful song, and I was proud of it. Note to self: Cry more often, it leaves you feeling new—like a snake shedding its skin.

The next day 

It was about time for me to record in the studio again, and I was looking forward to showing, even Darius, the new song I had come up with. The song had become a piece of myself during the writing so it was like handing a piece of my heart over when I played it for someone else. The first thing I saw when I walked through the door was a very tired Tommy sitting on the couch in the studio with his head thrown backwards looking at the ceiling. Boy, he sure was being productive at six o' clock in the morning (laugh). I walked over and sat down next to him. Although he never flinched, I knew he knew who was there with him. Neither one of us said anything. For once we both just needed comfort from our closest friend without any baggage along with it so I just sat next to him and placed my hand over his. We needed that connection. We needed a moment to let, not our hearts bond, but our souls. His fingers entwined with mine and he turned his head slightly to look at me.

"You okay, Harrison?" He asked in a whisper.

"Yeah, you Quincy?" I asked as he nodded slightly. That is all we said—all we needed to say. I could feel the pad of his thumb massaging the back of my hand, and I smiled at the intimacy of such a small gesture. I saw the door open out of the corner of my eye so I pulled my hand from Tommy's and stood up with a flourish. Darius rushed into the room talking with Liam while holding a cell phone in one hand. You could tell he was having two conversations at once. At least we can say that Darius can multi-task. He looked up and noticed me standing there. Within moments, he was standing in front of me, snapping his cell phone shut, and telling Liam to set up Studio 1.

"Where's SME, Jude? I hope you have something for me today. The studio is only yours for a couple of hours." Darius said irritably as he looked around for the Spiederman Mind Explosion. I took a breath and waited for the rampage.

"SME and I have been spinning some great music together. I think we almost have enough for an album, but the song I want to record today is all acoustic. I guess you could say that I would like the first track to be a return to my Instant Star roots." I said with a shrug. Darius looked at me with narrowed eyes, but he knew that I was capable of good songs so I was betting, okay hoping, that he would give this one a chance.

"Make it good, Harrison." Darius said firmly before answering the cell phone that had begun ringing in his hand. He waved me off then so I turned to Tommy.

"Boy, the tension in these studios almost seems thick enough to slice with a knife." I said while shaking my head wearily. Tommy suddenly looked even more tired than before.

"You have no idea. Come on, Harrison. Let's get to work." Tommy said as he lifted himself off the couch and headed for Studio 1. I didn't have time to wonder about what might be bothering Tommy, but I made a note to ask him later.

Entering Studio 1, I saw Kwest speaking quietly with Tommy. He glanced at me and smiled before motioning to the microphone behind the sound proof glass.

"You ready, girl." Kwest asked with a smile. I smiled back at him and nodded.

"When you two are." I answered quickly as I took a seat on the stool behind the glass. With my guitar sitting lazily across my lap, I waited for my signal from the sound room all the while glancing periodically at Tommy trying to ascertain if he was actually doing okay. He must have noticed because he smiled reassuringly at me, probably longer than he should before giving me the thumbs up sign telling me to go ahead. I started strumming the guitar, getting into the music before I finally opened my mouth to sing,

I look into the eyes of the world and what do I see 

_But the eyes of the world looking back at me._

_I see the chaos reflected back in its stare_

_Enraptured in its mindless never ending moments_

_Standing there, I wonder why I care_

_Why my heart breaks at its numbing suspense. _

_I won't go down that road again,_

_There is sadness there I say_

_Too many regrets down the paths I have been,_

_Give me the strength to walk away_

_Too many questions, so many questions, _

_Way too much unease_

_I need answers, give me some answers,_

_Bring me my reprieve_

_Unwritten verse in an written story, oh fear_

_Not knowing what's around the bend_

_Not knowing what draws near_

_I'm not afraid of the story, but how it will end._

_I won't go down that road again,_

_There is sadness there I say_

_Too many regrets down the paths I have been,_

_Give me the strength to walk away_

_My heart grows daily, bursting at the seams._

_There is greatness in the people I have known_

_Wonder in the part they've played in my dreams._

_Oh, how, with them, I have grown._

_Where do we go from here?_

_I won't let myself be afraid._

_Shadows may draw near_

_But with struggle greatness is made. _

_Too many questions, so many questions, _

_Way too much unease_

_I need answers, give me some answers,_

_Bring me my reprieve_

_I looked into the eyes of the world and what did I see._

_But the eyes of the world looking back at me._

I let the song fade softly at the end, congratulating myself on the way I managed to end it since I had had problems with the ending chords the night before. The studio was deathly quiet. I was afraid to look up to see what the guys thought about the lyrics, but the quiet lasted so long, I finally glanced up to see if they were still in the sound room. Kwest and Tommy were standing there gaping at me. I couldn't figure out why so I just mouthed "_what"_ to them before setting my guitar aside.

"Is that a wrap, guys? Do I need to do it again?" I asked nervously awaiting some sort of response. Kwest shook himself and reached for the intercom button.

"No, that was great Jude. Come on back in here." He said quickly glancing back at Tommy as I made my way back into the other room.

"Where did that come from?" Kwest asked Tommy as I entered the room. Both turned and faced me while I just stood there shrugging my shoulders like an idiot.

"Well…." I said softly. Tommy grinned suddenly and clapped his hands quickly together."

"That was amazing, Jude. As raw as the first time we saw you on Instant Star, but different—more…more something. It wasn't about broken hearts or raw pain. It was just about you and utterly revealing. I think people will identify with it and love it. Of course, we'll have to do some mixing and you and I can work a little on the chords, but I am really excited about this song." Tommy said in awe. Kwest was nodding behind him in agreement and I just felt..well…giddy. I laughed in relief and nodded at the two.

"Great! Do you think we need to play the rough draft for Darius. We're going to need more studio time if we're going to work more on the chords. " I said quickly. Tommy nodded.

"I'll take it to him. I don't think even Darius will want to get rid of this song. Give me about thirty minutes, Jude, and we can work on it some more." Tom said as he slipped the CD into a protective cover. I nodded at him as he walked out the door leaving Kwest and I alone. Kwest patted the stool next to him and I sat down to wait.

"That really was amazing, Jude. The song was about confusion. Who doesn't have that in their lives." Kwest said quietly. I glanced at Kwest when he said that almost as if seeing him for the first time. He was fiddling with the soundboard and I couldn't help but wonder what Kwest could be confused about.

Tommy and Darius is Darius's office 

Tommy stormed through Darius's office door with a wide grin on his face. Darius was sitting at his desk reading a document when he heard Tommy march in and he looked up in irritation.

"Don't you know how to knock, Quincy?" He said as he laid the document aside. Tom only looked at him with a smile.

"I think this new track is worth a little spontaneity. Jude's newest song is great. And I've heard some of the stuff that SME and she have been working on. I think we might have a hit on our hands. And before you disagree with me, just listen to it first." Tommy said with a voice full of pride. Darius only raised his brows with skepticism as he watched Tom slip the CD into the player and punched 'play.' Jude's haunting melody filled the room, creating a mix of ballad with the punk rock style everyone had grown to love about her. The song was hard and soft all at the same time. It was painful and joyful to listen to. It really was amazing. Darius tried not to look impressed, but he failed to completely pull it off and Tommy knew he had caught him off guard.

"What did I tell you, Darius?" Tommy said in triumph. Darius only hrrruumphed and then turned to Tommy with a grin.

"I like it, and you say that her other stuff with SME's just as good?" Darius asked slowly. Tommy gazed at Darius thoughtfully before answering.

"I do, I seriously do. Why, where are you going with that statement, D?" Darius paced across the room and back before coming to stand in front of Tommy.

"Because I think that Jude might be ready to record her sophomore album so it may be time we brought her back into the studio." Darius said when sudden thought seemed to inspire him and he turned to look back at Tommy once more.

"I've given a lot of thought to sending you to L.A. to produce. Have you?" Darius asked while pretending to sort papers on his desk. He could see Tom fidgeting out of the corner of his eye.

"I don't think I want the transfer, Darius. I have a lot, I mean a lot of expectations for Jude's new album. I believe in her. And I've made too many acquaintances here to want to leave now." Tommy stated in a low tone. Darius nodded as if he were bored with the whole thing.

"So be it, Quincy. Go tell Jude about the album and be in the studio first thing to begin. Make sure she brings SME this time." Tom inclined his head in the affirmative before turning to walk out the door missing the grin that plastered Darius's face. He would use any tactic to keep his best producer with him, and this time, considering the potential in Jude's new song, it may be a lucrative tactic. Tommy felt like skipping back to the studio, but he held himself back as he walked in to find Jude and Kwest laughing over some joke Jude had made. Jude had grown so much in the past year. He might tell himself that she was off limits because she was too young for him, but the truth was, he had stopped seeing her as an age a long time ago. She was Jude now to him. Jude looked up as he walked in and inclined her eyebrows in question. He nodded and grinned.

"Be at the studio with SME first thing in the morning. It's time we start working on your sophomore album." Tom said with a smile. Jude shrieked in excitement. The happiness that radiated off her reminded him of what she was like before the Darius take over. Jude jumped down off the stool she was sitting on and made her way to the studio door.

"I guess I have a lot to do before tomorrow then." Jude said with a wink and then she was gone. The room almost turned cold without her in it as if a candle had been extinguished. Kwest seemed to notice it too, but they both ignored it and turned back to the soundboard. They had a song to mix.

Jude walks toward home while texting furiously on her cell phone 

The phone was going to be busy tonight. I had to contact the boys of SME and still get enough done to be ready for the start of my new album. Things finally felt like they were falling back into place. I had just received a message back from Spied saying _we'll B There!" _when I knocked smack dab into someone's chest. Looking up I saw Jamie's glassless face staring down at me. He smiled warmly and raised his brows.

"Mind keeping me from ending up with a concussion, Jude?" He asked on a laugh. "What's the hurry, Jude?" I looked him over quietly. It felt like I never saw him anymore although I know that wasn't true. I smiled back at him and replied,

"We start recording my sophomore album tomorrow—finally. I am excited to finally get started. I have some splendid ideas. Where are you off to? Got time to maybe catch a bite?" I asked surprising myself as much as Jamie by the invitation. He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Sure, why not?" He said quickly and we both started walking toward the café he, Kat, and I used to frequent often almost as if it were second nature. And really, if you thought about it, it was.

"We haven't done a lot together lately have we, Jamie? I miss that." I said as we reached the café' and took a seat at one of the tables. A waitress came around and took our orders before Jamie finally got around to answering.

"I have to admit things have been different. But it hasn't been all bad. Believe it or not, I have you to thank for my job at G Major—at least indirectly. And I've missed you too, Jude" Jamie said honestly. I smiled at him before tapping him lightly on the nose.

"Actually, you got that job all on your own Andrews. It's that wonderful ability of yours to spot new talent. Speaking of, how is your newest acquisition, Patsy, doing?" I asked teasingly. I knew that he and Patsy had gotten awful close—intimately close if what Kat and I had seen one day when walking into my new SME Studio was correct. Jamie's face turned red, and I laughed as he choked on a sip of water.

"Things are going…umm…pretty good there." Jamie said on another choke, and I laughed harder. I really had missed Jamie lately. We talked a while about everything—basically just filling each other in on everything that we had missed in each other's lives recently. He took my hand in his then and, startled by the gesture, I froze in place.

"How are you, Jude? I heard about Spied. Do you really think Tommy will ever come around?" He asked seriously becoming once again the Jamie I knew best—the best friend who delved deeply into my life trying to make everything better. I smiled at him happily as I squeezed his fingers in reassurance.

"I didn't break up with Spied because of Tommy. Not completely. I do have feelings for Tommy that I am still trying to figure out, but I think I actually just need to be on my own for a while. I have a new album to work on; I would love to, I don't know, have our friendship work again too. All in all, I feel like things are returning to, at least, a semblance of normalcy." I said quickly. Jamie nodded and grinned.

"Well, you can count me in. I've missed our friendship too. Maybe we can do something together again soon?" Jamie stated as he stood up and placed a roll of bills on the table. I stood up with him and then walked over to give him a huge hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Keep in touch, Andrews." I said as I started to walk back towards my house.

"You too, Harrison." Jamie said with a grin as he headed off in the opposite direction. I walked with a huge grin on my face that kept getting bigger until I found myself chuckling quietly. Note to self: Always keep your closest friends closer.

A few days later 

Getting back into the rhythm of things back at the studio was actually therapeutical for me. It was nice to be getting back to some sort of routine again. Jamie and I were talking almost every other night, Spied and I still clicked when it came to our music although I won't lie and say there was no awkwardness between us, and Sadie was starting to realize what her life was capable of becoming without Tommy in it. She had taken the break up hard though and was determined to make it just as hard on Tommy to begin with. But with some consolation and firm advice (and a little confrontation), mostly from Portia and I, she was beginning to branch out and make waves for herself away from music and Tommy. The album was going great and the songs were going to be, according to several critics, instant hits. I was ecstatic. My seventeenth birthday was coming up, and I was really hoping to have the album almost finished by then. My family had plans to take me out to dinner along with a few extra faces—Tommy, Spied, Jamie, Portia, and Kwest. I had firmly announced that mom and dad were not allowed to bring along Don or Yvette, not because I had a so much a problem with them, but because arguments tended to arise when they were around and I had no intention of having anyone argue on that day. The big one seven—wow, somehow I felt like I had grown a millenium older than that during the last year. Note to self: Don't let myself become an old hag.

Tommy in downtown Toronto 

Tommy fidgeted outside the store only for a moment before he took a deep breath and marched in. He had been thinking about Jude a lot lately and, with her birthday coming up, he had been giving himself headaches over what he should do for her. Gestures counted more than gifts to Jude so with a lot of thought, he had finally come up with an idea he hoped would make her happy.


	2. Chapter 2

This is my first fan fiction. The first couple of chapters are slow as they are fillers, mostly allowing you to get the feel of the characters and their relationships. Bear with me; events really start to change for Jude. Please review. Smiles.

Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Start although all lyrics are mine 

Looking around the shelves with displays of roses, geraniums, irises, daisies, lilies, and an assortment of many other flowers, Tommy saw something that caught his eye—an unusual assortment of wild flowers. If there was anything that described Jude more, it was wild flowers, '_Or at least the wild part'_ Tommy thought with a chuckle. Upon asking the lady behind the counter about the selection, she gave him a small, secret smile as she took it and wrapped it up, making it ready to go. Tommy hesitated as she did so knowing that the gesture he was taking was a big step for him. He was not one to make commitments, but this friendship he had with Jude had become a commitment within itself without him even realizing it had happened. Walking out to his Viper, he looked at the selection of wild flowers one more time before quickly placing a small wrapped package he had hidden in the glove compartment inside the arrangement. Placing it gently in the passenger seat, he got in the car and drove toward the Harrison residence. Knowing Jude wouldn't be home yet, he drove into the driveway where Jamie was waiting for him on the front stoop.

"Andrews." Tommy said carefully as he exited the Viper and walked over to the Harrison's front door. Jamie quirked a brow at the arrangement in Quincy's hand before turning to face the door.

"You're lucky I know where they hide the spare key." Jamie said haughtily as he jiggled the knob with precision as if he had done this plenty of times in the past, and Tommy didn't doubt the fact that he probably had. Once open, Jamie stood back and motioned for Tommy to pass.

"You so owe me one, Quincy." Jamie said as Tommy brushed passed him and headed for the stairs.

"Don't push it, Andrews." Tommy grumbled as he took the steps two at a time until he found himself face to face with Jude's closed bedroom door. He felt strange about putting the flowers in her room. It was the one place he had never been in before, and he felt like he was trespassing on some forbidden domain. A clearing of the throat downstairs brought him back to attention, and he turned the knob and entered while Jamie shouted from downstairs.

"Come on, Quincy. We haven't got all day!" Tommy glanced back over his shoulder irritably before turning to place the arrangement quickly on Jude's bed. The room didn't surprise him much. It looked like Jude, smelled like Jude, and reflected her passionate, fiery, and rebellious nature. It screamed, _"Hey what do you think you're looking at!"_ And even though it held such a sweltering implication, Tommy, strangely enough, felt comforted by it. He smiled at a photo of her and her family sitting next to her bed, another one of her, Kat, and Jamie, and yet another of her, Tommy, Georgia, E.J., and Kwest. Tommy made a mental note to have her take some new pictures with her blonde hair. Still smiling softly to himself, he exited her room, shut the door, and

quickly made work of the stairs motioning to Jamie to follow as he brushed past him out the door. Jude would be home soon, and he didn't need the complication of her finding him there. Before opening the door to his Viper, Tommy turned and looked at Jamie gratefully.

"Thanks, Andrews." Tommy said sincerely as he opened the door of his car and slid into the familiar leather seat. Jamie shrugged.

"Yeah, whatever, Quincy." Jamie said without any real conviction, but although their conversation would seem short and even blunt to the casual observer, there was actually a lot of respect between Jamie and Tommy now and very little animosity. They both even smiled as Tommy placed one hand on the wheel and the other on the headrest of the passenger seat as he pulled out of the driveway. As he drove away, he glanced back once more, more than a little anxious about how Jude would receive the gift.

A few hours later 

It had been a long day at the studio, and I was looking forward to a very long shower and an equally long nap. My neck hurt, my fingers were sore, and my throat was strained, but we had gotten a lot accomplished, which only made all the pain worth the effort. The house was quiet when I walked through the door, and I sighed in relief that I was the first one home. Stopping suddenly at the bottom of the stairs, I looked up and sniffed the air curiously. Laughing at myself for being foolish, I continued up having sworn that I had gotten a whiff of Tommy's cologne. Boy, I really was spending way too much time at the studio. The door to my room was slightly ajar, and I pushed it open hesitantly wondering if Sadie had gone into it for some reason earlier in the day. It didn't take long to figure out that Sadie had not been the one to enter my domain. Oh, dear God! Freezing in my tracks, I looked first at my bed, back at the door, and then at the bed again before it finally sunk in what I was looking at. Forget the shower, someone call the doctor. I seriously think that I might be hallucinating. The wildflowers sitting on the bed were eye-catching—every color in the rainbow and more. The only people I knew with keys to the house were mom, dad, and Sadie with Kat and Jamie having access to our spares. So, at first glance I just assumed it was from one of them. There was a card lying next to it so I picked it up slowly realizing even before I opened it that it was from Tommy. His scent was on it, and I held it up to my nose—inhaling slowly before taking my fingernail and running it under the closed lip of the envelope. Opening, the card I read: _Happy Seventeenth, Jude. May it be a birthday to remember. Tommy Q. _I smiled at his short concise sentences and leaned over to sniff the arrangement. It was then I noticed the small wrapped box sitting in the middle of the petals. Quirking an amused brow, I sat down on the bed to see what he had gotten me. It was still two weeks until my birthday so I was very interested in what Tommy had been in such a hurry to make sure I had. The paper fell away from the package to fall gently on the comforter of my bed. _"What the…"_ I thought to myself as I turned it over and over in my hand.


	3. Chapter 3

I almost laughed at the irony of it—a CD—For God's sake; Tommy had given me a CD. _'How original of him!' _I thought to myself while running my fingers lovingly over the cover. I chuckled silently as I walked across my room and slid it into the CD Player. Lying back on my bed, I gasped in glee as the final mix of my acoustic song "I See" played throughout the empty room. It sounded amazing, much better than I ever thought it would. Tommy must have spent an incredible amount of time on it and just the thought of him poring over the soundboard at all hours of the night and day really touched me. The last notes of the song played out, and I opened one eye trying to talk myself into getting up off the bed to take it out of the player. Groaning, I started to lift off when suddenly another tune started to fill the room. I froze in place. I knew immediately it wasn't anything that I had ever played before, and like my song, it was pretty much all acoustic. I closed my eyes slowly only to have them pop open suddenly in absolute awe. If you can believe it or not, I, Jude Harrison, actually shrieked. Tommy's voice floated softly through the room and I found myself mesmerized.

_Together we are better, rising high for all the world to see._

_Through your eyes you saw me when others were too blind to see._

_Together we are better than we ever could be apart_

_You have become, for lack of a better word, my tortured heart._

_Hidden touches, moments of futile eye contact._

_I'm afraid my regrets will get in the way._

_And then I'll find myself watching your retreating back_

_And I'll have to learn to let you walk away._

_Moments, pristine moments, of laughter and burning fire_

_Escaping emotions, ones ignited by passion and by desire._

_A heart so alone, encased in protective armor_

_Broken down piece by piece until it tore_

_Hidden touches, moments of futile eye contact._

_I'm afraid my regrets will get in the way._

_And then I'll find myself watching your retreating back_

_And I'll have to learn to let you walk away._

_My one greatest epic and yet my biggest fear_

_I long to make you smile, to wipe away your tears._

_So alone, and then suddenly in my heart was a knock at the door_

_And you were there, and I found I was alone no more._

_We hide behind our secrets; we hide behind our fear._

_But I have to let you know, I feel joy when you are near._

_Don't regret our moments from the past_

_They're memories, oh memories, that will always last._

_Hidden touches, moments of futile eye contact._

_I'm afraid my regrets will get in the way._

_And then I'll find myself watching your retreating back_

_And I'll have to learn to let you walk away._

The music faded in the background, and I found the only thing that I could do was lay there. I had no desire to even move. Tears were dripping unceremoniously from the corners of my eyes as I turned my head slightly to look at the wild flowers I had placed next to my bed. It was a good thing Tommy wasn't there with me because I was speechless. He had given me what I had always wanted for my birthday. I knew the song didn't mean that I could run into the studio tomorrow and kiss him lavishly, but it did tell me volumes about the man that he was always trying to keep hidden from everyone else. I knew now that, even though it was something that he was constantly fighting against that he was losing an inner battle about feelings he shared with me. Where once, I felt like I was the only one being tortured by my desire to be more to him than just the Instant Star, I knew now I was not alone in my torment. How depressing that sounds, but it actually made me happy. Contrary to popular belief, I was learning to control my fits more, to learn to control my tempestuous nature. I loved Tommy. There was just no denying it anymore. But I had accumulated enough strength over the past year to realize that I needed to give him the space to discover his own feelings. I just hoped that they would turn out to be feelings for me. If the CD was any indication, I was certainly headed in the right direction. Drawing myself into a fetal position, I let the CD replay as I lay there. Somewhere into its fourth rotation, I fell into a deep sleep—giving myself up to the exhaustion, to the dreams I didn't let myself live during the day.

_The next day_

The studio was buzzing when I entered it the next day—people running back and forth like chickens with their heads cut off. I smiled at the chaos, finding familiarity in the 'running through a maze' activities. Scanning the room quietly, I caught sight of SME standing next to Portia grumbling, from what I could tell, about some costume choices she had come up with for a future publicity still we had planned. I managed to capture Spied's attention long enough to let him know that I was on the way to their rescue. Once Portia spotted me, she generally left the guys alone. Spied looked relieved as I started to weave my way through the crowd, and I smiled at his predictability. I was late this morning after seeing my dad and Yvette off at the airport as they had both decided to get away long enough to figure out how they really felt about each other and to allow any last remaining grudges about the divorce to settle down a bit. I had come to terms with the separation, realizing that any problems my parents were having probably had a lot to do with things Sadie and I would never know about. I was at the point now where I just wanted to see both of them happy. If that meant that they would find completion in the arms of someone else, it wasn't my right to deny them that. I didn't even hate Yvette or Don. I just wasn't sure I felt very comfortable around them, and they certainly didn't feel very comfortable around us which is why I had asked both my mom and dad to sort of bring them into the family slowly—letting us all adjust a little at a time. I smiled fondly to myself as I recalled my father's loving embrace that morning,

"_I love you Jude. Thank you for coming with me here this morning. I promise we'll be back in a couple of days and then you and I need to do something a little special—just the two of us to celebrate your birthday. What do you think?" I nodded to him with a smile and squeezed him as hard as I could. "Sounds good, dad. I love you, too. You two have a wonderful trip, and I'll see you in a couple of days." I said quietly as I handed Yvette her carry-on and smiled at her as best I could. Dad squeezed my arm in appreciation and I squeezed back. For his sake, for I had always felt connected to my dad more than any person in the world, I did the most remarkable thing. I leaned forward, tapped Yvette on the shoulder, and gave her a quick hug before telling her to have fun and be careful. She blinked at me as if she had never seen me before and then smiled in relief as if a huge burden was being lifted off her shoulder. I almost felt sorry for her as I knew that everyone would always betray her as the bad guy in my parent's divorce, but it had been as much a part of my dad's decision to have an affair as it had been hers. Dad stared at me in obvious amazement and grabbed me suddenly in a huge bear hug. "You have matured so much, Jude. You put me to shame, being the bigger person in all of this. Wow, I think your mom and I just sort of missed your transition into adulthood. I am so proud of you." He said while choking up on the last few words. I excused myself hurriedly, giving him one last kiss on the cheek before shooing them on to their gate with a smile. I waved at them until I could no longer see them anymore and then I turned and walked away._

Shaking my head slightly to clear my thoughts of this morning's earlier activities, I suddenly froze when I spotted Tommy across the room. I knew that he wouldn't want any huge emotional outbursts about his gifts so I only glanced at him until he turned around unexpectantly and we made eye contact. He froze too and gave me a slight smile and a shrug as if saying, _"Jude?"_ I gave him the biggest smile I could manage and mouthed _"Thank you so much."_ To him before placing both my hands over my heart, showing him with the gesture how much it had touched me. He smiled back and we just stood there for a moment like that until his expression changed about the same moment I felt a sudden tap on my right shoulder. I glanced behind me to see Portia standing there with an evil grin on her face while swinging a tape measure back and forth in her hands. She already had my measurements so I knew she must be planning on doing some new type of garment I had never worn before if she was going to torture me with that thing. Uuuggghhhh! I thought to myself as I let her lead me away towards SME.

"You won't believe what happened this morning, Jude! You have managed to miss all of the excitement." Portia said excitedly as I looked around expecting to see something unusual to explain what she might be talking about.

"Oookaaay." I said slowly, waiting to see if something unusual materialized. Portia sighed dramatically.

"I would keep you waiting in suspense, but I have no patience for that sort of thing. 'Rolling Stones' magazine called wanting to set up an interview and a photo shoot with you. It'll be in the states, of course, because they won't be able to fly up here, but it will just be a couple of days in LA and Darius is ecstatic about it." Portia squealed reminding me all of a sudden of E.J. I was stunned. 'Rolling Stone Magazine' wanted to talk to me? Once it sunk in, I started laughing in glee.

"No way! When is it?" I asked loudly trying not to squeal like she had just done but I was beginning to fail miserably at my attempt to act mature about it. Oh, the hell with it! I squealed. Portia waited for me to settle down before she smiled and patted me on the shoulder.

"We've got it scheduled for the week after your birthday. We are getting tickets as we speak for you, SME, Darius, Kwest, Tommy, and I. We'll be doing some publicity for your new album, and we're going to work some on your image—transforming it from Instant Star winner to a more mature artist away from the competition although Darius wants them to reiterate your involvement with Instant Star some since he wants to promote the new winner as well. So be prepared, girl." Portia said on a laugh. I just stared at her before turning to the guys of SME who had sidled up next to me. They all started talking at the same time, laughing and arguing with each other about who would get the chance to talk first so I knew that they were just as excited about it as I was.

"Guess this means we need to get to work, huh?" I asked on a chuckle as SME groaned and Darius indicated from across the room that it was time to enter the studio. As we walked away, I heard Portia mumbling that Darius never gave her enough time to get her job done and I smiled at her sarcasm. I was on cloud nine as we entered Studio 1, getting ready to record yet again. The day passed quickly, and we managed to get all the tracks recorded which would only leave any re-recording that might need to be done later and the mixing that Tommy and Kwest would have to do. Boy, things were certainly heating up at G Major. I walked into the lounge a moment to grab a water and to relax and catch my breath before I headed out the door towards home, hopefully to be able to grab the hot tub before Sadie got there. A 'clearing of the throat' behind me startled me and I just managed to keep a hold on the bottle before turning to see who was behind me. Tommy nodded at the water in my hand as he walked over to the opposite side of the bar from where I stood.

"Throw me one of those, would you?" He said quickly as he leaned lazily against the counter. I grabbed another bottle out of the fridge and threw it at him before leaning against the counter across from him. We just stood there a moment before I pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear and looked up at him from underneath my lashes.

"Thanks for the gifts you left for me, Tommy. They….it was…. Well, I am at a loss of words as to what they meant to me." I said to him quietly, keeping my voice low as I looked steadfastly into his eyes. His eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled broadly.

"I was hoping you would like it, Jude. Happy Birthday a little early." He said just as quietly, and I smiled at him before turning suddenly when someone else entered the lounge behind us. Spied came in looking tired and more than a little grouchy as he walked over, grabbed a bottled water out of the fridge, and looked at me expectantly.

"You ready, Jude?" Spied asked quickly while quirking his brows at the two of us in irritation. I was a little piqued at the way he was acting about the whole situation, but I found I couldn't blame him either. I had left my car at home that morning in order to ride with Yvette and dad to the airport before catching the bus to the studio so I was grateful that Spied was even willing to give me a ride. I nodded at him slowly and cast an apologetic grin over my shoulder to Tommy as I grabbed my things and headed for the door.

"Later, Quincy." I said quickly, and he raised his hand in a silent gesture signaling that he would see me later. Looking back at Tommy and then towards the late afternoon chaos still transpiring at the studio around me, I took a deep breath and sighed. Have you ever just woke up one morning, looked around your room, and then come to the startling realization that life—your life—remarkably resembles the machinations of reality TV? Boy, I was sure starting to feel that way. Note to self: Start charging for services rendered (laugh).

The next couple of days literally blurred past like some wispy dream that you know you had, but you can't seem to remember no matter how hard you try. It was like walking into a brick wall of non-stop work and preparations for the 'Rollings Stone" interview. Mom and Sadie were just as excited as I, and they had made it their mission to go shopping for me buying what they liked to call 'my LA clothes.' Woe is me. But truth be told, I was enjoying the attention—not from the studio but from my family. Every body has been so caught up in the drama that was my parents' divorce that we hadn't had a whole lot of time for each other lately, and I think they were enjoying it just as much as I was. I couldn't wait to tell dad when he got home. But then the unthinkable happened. Have you ever heard that saying that says 'Every bad thing comes in threes?' First there had been the Darius takeover, then the fact that my records sales were going down. Now, I realize I have had bad luck in my love life too, but considering that I have come to think of that as something completely separate from my career and family, I have come to not count that anymore. So when my record sales went back up and life with Darius was becoming fairly manageable, I thought nothing else could go wrong. My life was about to be utterly turned upside down.

The studio was business as usual. SME and I were re-recording a track that Tommy felt needed some work when a very pale, very agitated looking Jamie burst into the sound proof booth. Tommy jumped off his stool in the sound room and grabbed the microphone.

"What the hell, Jamie? We are right in the middle of a track right now!" Tommy yelled as Jamie looked up wearily, trying desperately to catch his breath. It looked like he had run a good mile the way he was wheezing. SME and I laid our instruments to the side and Spied handed Jamie a bottle of water, which Jamie took gratefully and guzzled down as if he couldn't get enough. I had never seen Jamie so worked up before and, obviously, neither had anyone else because even Tommy and Kwest came into the booth to see what the problem was. Jamie gasped as he put down the water and then looked up at me with what looked suspiciously like tears in his eyes.

"Jude, I think you need to come with me." He said slowly. I looked at him quizzically, trying desperately to figure out from his expression what could possibly be wrong, but he just shook his head and held out his hand. Subconsciously, I felt Tommy slide in behind me along with Kwest and the members of SME as we all exited the room in a single line. In the main entrance area, I saw Darius look up at us angrily as Jamie lead us toward the lounge, away from Studio 1. He opened his mouth to say something to us when Jamie suddenly snapped,

"Just shut up, Darius!" as he pulled me quickly through the doorway of the lounge. The entire room froze in shock at the tone Jamie had used with Darius, and I would have laughed at the hilarity in it if I didn't know Jamie as well as I did. If Jamie would jump all over an authority figure like Darius, then something was definitely wrong. My heart started to pound very loudly in my ears as Jamie walked over to the T.V. we had sitting in the lounge area behind the couch.

"You need to see this, Jude." He said as he pressed the power button and placed it on an international news channel. A news anchor, a red-headed woman with too much make-up, was talking animatedly as it showed the picture of a twisted, burning plane in a small square to her right and along the bottom of the screen scrolled the words "Breaking News." It began to slowly register in my brain what this meant as her voice reverberated through my body like a knife slicing through water. "_As of this morning, 10:00 a.m. central time, we received news of an explosion that took place over northern California. Reports coming in thought that it might have been a plane, Flight 224 that left LAX at 9:30 this morning. It has been confirmed that flight 224 has gone down over northern California. Details are sketchy on what might have caused the plane to crash, but authorities are reporting right now that it appears to be pilot error or something to do with one of the plane's engines. All efforts are being put forth to find the 'little black box' that might give authorities a more definitive view of what actually transpired aboard the plane. As of now, all lives aboard appear to be lost." _At some point during the announcement, my hands had come up to cover my mouth in order to keep myself from screaming. I glanced at Jamie who was standing next to the T.V. with his head down. I felt the presence of half the studio behind me, but I was too numb to care.

"Jamie, that wasn't my father's plane." I said rather uncertainly for I had seen his ticket when he left and the return date had been stamped for two days from now on a different flight. Jamie looked up at me sadly, glanced back down to the T.V. Screen, and then back up to me again.

"Jude, your dad and Yvette decided to come back a little earlier. After your mom told them about your interview in L.A., they decided to come back because Stuart wanted to go with you less than two weeks from now. He wanted to surprise you so he asked that no one let you know. Jude, their new returning flight was 224." Jamie almost whispered.

"Oh, God!" I groaned. My knees buckled. I felt several hands catch my elbows as I fell, and the next thing I knew someone had managed to get me onto the couch. No, God no, I was just having trouble registering the whole thing in my mind.when it hit me.

"Mom and Sadie?" I asked on a broken sob.

"Are at home waiting to hear from the authorities." Jamie finished for me. He walked over and leaned down in front of me, taking one of my hands into his.

"Do you need me to take you home, Jude?" Jamie asked, but I although I knew he had just asked me a very important question, I just couldn't seem to come up with an answer for him at the moment. It was like my head was full of static. An arm snaked its way across my shoulders and I leaned into it instinctively. Gently, I could feel someone shaking me slightly when suddenly the woman on T.V. said on a foreboding note, "_It has just been confirmed, all lives on 224 from L.A. has been lost."_ The next thing I knew, I, Jude Harrison, blacked out.

**Author's footnote: Please review. I am definitely interested in all opinions. Will post again soon.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: This story has sort of taken a life of it's own with some amazing funny twists coming up later. I had intended for Jude to experience some sort of tragedy in the story, probably not in the first three chapters, but hey I guess it just went there first. I wanted something that would cement friendships and family closer together and bring Jude and Tommy's relationship into a more intimate, mature play. I lost my own mother a year ago so I already understood the emotions, and it seemed the right place to go from there. I also have two sisters of my own and both my parents had been divorced and remarried by the time my mom passed so I can relate a lot to Jude. Now, what happens when everyone goes to L.A. What twists and turns are still left to come. I love all of you who have reviewed. Please keep reading, I promise it gets better. Will post again soon. Blowing kisses and winks—Angel422.**

Something told me that I wasn't in the studio anymore, even with my eyes having been shut. I heard voices around me—whispering voices almost as if they were afraid that they would wake me up. I didn't move for fear that they would discover that I was conscious and I wasn't ready for that yet. I still needed to process what had happened—still needed to make myself understand the implications of what I had witnessed. I wanted to squirm, but I instinctively knew that I was being held by someone—cradled like a baby to its mother. My head rested on a wide chest and just from the scent, I knew it was Tommy that held me. Suddenly, I felt safe—tired, angry, completely undone—but safe. His hands were in my hair, and I could tell he was rubbing strands of it between his fingers while his other hand rested protectively against my back. I don't think I'll ever know if the grief just caught up with me then or if it was the unconscious comfort that Tommy was offering me but I suddenly found myself silently weeping. Tears ran hot down my cheeks leaving a burning trail as they went, and I knew when they started soaking into Tommy's shirt because his muscles tensed against my cheek. "Jude?" He whispered as he pulled me even tighter up against him. I didn't move. I didn't want to look at anyone yet. Tommy ran his hand over my back as he tried to get me to look at him, but I just stuffed my face against his chest and clenched my fingers as hard as I could into the fabric of his shirt. He shifted slightly since my legs were curled tightly against his hips and one of my kneecaps was cutting into his side. Subconsciously, the sneaking thought that this was probably the most intimate embrace I had ever shared with Tommy popped into my head only to be over-ridden by the knowledge of why we were sharing it.

"It's okay, Jude. I'm the only one here right now. We are at the hospital. Since the accident happened so early this morning, the authorities have been able to sort through some of the items found at the crash. They need the family members to identify some of the things. They contacted the studio and your mom and Sadie. We were closer. Kwest, Jamie, Kat, and SME are waiting for Victoria and Sadie outside. Jude?" I couldn't answer him. All I could do was shake and shudder with tremendous wracking sobs. Tommy sighed as he fiddled with my hair once again.

"It's okay to cry, Jude." He said softly. I looked mournfully up at him and narrowed my swollen eyes menacingly.

"That's easy for you to say." I cried back as I started pounding my fists against his chest. He winced at the contact, but he didn't pull away and he didn't try to stop me.

"It's okay to be angry too." He reiterated as I pounded him over and over again until I was too spent to do anything else. Hesitantly, I glanced up at him only to find him searching my face with his intense gaze. I shrugged as a few more tears slipped out of the corners of my eyes.

"It's okay." I said as much to myself as I did to him.

"I just needed to vent a moment." I confessed as he smiled sadly and leaned over to press a soft, comforting kiss onto my forehead. I closed my eyes at the gesture when suddenly the sound of a clicking camera caused me to snap to furious attention. Placing my nose against the curve of Tommy's neck, I inquired haltingly,

"The Paparazzi?" Even though I knew exactly that's who it was without even turning around. Tommy lowered his head so that his mouth settled next to my ear and every time he exhaled the press of air against my ear lobe caused me to shiver.

"We'll deal with that later, Jude. Your mom and Sadie just walked in. Are you ready to get back on your feet?" He whispered reassuringly. He didn't have to say anything else. Behind me, someone whispered "_Jude?"_ tearfully, and I jumped up instantly into the arms of my mother, Victoria Harrison. She patted the back of my head like she used to do when I was a child and murmured 'shhhhhh' over and over again as she did. Another arm wrapped around me, and the scent of Sadie's perfume invaded my nostrils. Here we were, all three of the Sadie women, wrapped in each other's comfort letting our pain slide off of us into a place where we knew we could deal with it together. Behind us a throat cleared, and we turned to see a man in uniform standing behind us.

"We're ready for the families now." The man said as Victoria suddenly stood up straight and took both mine and Sadie's hands into her own almost as if she were creating a life line between us. Against the wall behind us, leaned everyone who had become like family to us willing to give what support they could. We marched into the room next to another family that I realized suddenly must be Yvette's so we weren't the only ones experiencing a loss in our lives at the moment. I smiled at them as we entered the room. There wasn't much privacy there as the back wall was a glass window that looked out into the hall where everyone we knew stood. But I don't think we really noticed. The authorities handed us a sealed bag that we opened carefully. Inside sat a singed photo, a wallet, some keys, and a ring. I knew instantly it was my father's. The photo was an older one we had made back when my hair used to be died red. I was cross-eyed in the photo with my mouth hanging slightly open in a laugh, Sadie had her eyes rolled up at me, and mom and dad were glancing at us fondly. I heard Sadie gasp as she saw it and a silent sob escaped her lips. I took her hand and squeezed it as we tucked his wallet, keys, and ring safely into mom's purse once we told the authorities that it did belong to Stuart Harrison. I separated myself from the group then and walked over to the back window staring but not really seeing anything. I leaned my head against the glass and sighed. A shadow fell across my face and I glanced up to see Tommy standing on the other side with his forehead pressed against the glass opposite me. He lifted his hand and splayed it onto the cool surface, and I lifted my and placed it over his. We just stood there a moment as tears glided down my skin. That's the thing about death. It opens up your eyes to life—to the people around you—causes you to grow in unimaginable ways.

The next couple of days were hard on us as we planned the funeral and dealt with family members and friends coming and going. This is the part where you just go numb for a little while to kind of get yourself through the whole thing. It really actually didn't hit me again until the burial. I watched as they threw the last mound of dirt over the surface before walking away. It was then that I took a small red rose, laid it upon the ground, and let my tears fertilize the soil.

A few days later 

I walked into the studio ready to record again after letting myself have some time off. People stopped and stared as I walked by, but I just nodded to them and smiled as I sought out SME, Tommy and Kwest. We had an album to finish and an interview to plan for. Tommy quirked a brow as I walked into the room, and I smiled at him as I took a seat on a stool between him and Kwest. You would think that things that had happened between Tommy and I would have made us feel awkward around each other, but I think it only made us more comfortable in each other's presence. Weird.

"You guys ready to finish up that track we had trouble with the other day." I said brightly as Tommy looked at me suspiciously.

"Jude, are you sure you are ready to do that yet? We can put the album and the interview off for a while if you would like. The magazine has already agreed due to the circumstances." Tom said quietly. I just smiled and shook my head.

"Mom, Sades, and I are doing fine. We have grieved until we are parched from lack of water in our bodies. It's time we pick up our lives and keep going. Mom and Sadie agree with me. They've even decided to go to L.A. with us. Don't worry, it'll be fun." I said reassuringly. Strange how I was doing the reassuring now. Tom and Kwest both smiled and Kwest stood up, walked to the open door, and yelled for SME to get their butts in the studio. I laughed as I stood up to walk into the sound proof booth.

_**Please review. Will post more very soon. Smiles.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**_Author's Note: Hope you guys are still reading. Things are really starting to heat up for Jude. There are several surprises coming her way. Please R&R. _**

The recording was going well. We had a chance to finally finish up all of the tracks, Tommy and Kwest were almost done completing the mixes, and Portia had declared that she had finished the best wardrobe ever created for the L.A. hot spots and interviews that Darius was dead set on us attending. I had my moments when I had to step out or just plain walk away when my emotions got the best of me. But that's the thing about grief—sometimes just laughing with those you love and getting back to the routine you know best helps to not get rid of it, per say, but it makes it easier to live with. Sadie and Mom were ecstatic about the trip. I think we all just needed to get away for a little while. Right now, I was sitting in the sound room glancing over some lyrics I had been working on when I noticed movement out of the corner of my eyes and whispers filled the silence as I stood up to walk over to the door. SME and Jamie were talking animatedly near Darius's closed door. I could see Jamie's face growing red as he waved his hands around as if he were batting at imaginary flies. "_What the hell?"_ I thought to myself as I watched Spied shrug and Chad and Wally cover their mouths to keep from laughing. I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Okay, guys. What are you up to?" I asked blithely as I walked out of the sound room with my fists on my hips. Spied choked as he watched me walk across the room and Jamie's face turned an even deeper shade of red, if you can believe that. And Chad and Wally, well, they just couldn't stand it anymore; they lost it—laughing until they had to grab their sides from the pain. It was probably around 8:00 at night and the studio was fairly empty by then.

"I…um…(cough). We're just talking about….(cough) guy stuff?" Jamie said more like he was asking a question than stating a purpose. "mmmm hhhhhmmmm." I said quickly while biting the inside of my lip to keep from smiling. I had known Jamie all my life. If his face was red, he was either angry, upset, or embarrassed. I was willing to bet on the embarrassed description at the moment.

"Jamie, I took baths with you until we were five, you were with me the day I started my period, I was with you the day you thought you were superman and tried to fly off the roof, and you and I both suffered for weeks when we tried to come up with a home cure for acne and broke out all over instead. I don't think anything you could tell me now could be any worse." I said in amusement as the members of SME all doubled over in bouts of uncontrollable peals of laughter.

"Superman, huh?" Spied choked out at the same time that Wally said, "So, at the age of five, does size really matter, Jude?" I smiled good-naturedly at them as I added, "And he even had the cape." Jamie groaned inwardly.

"Jude…." He began warningly before he was interrupted by Spiederman who gave him a look that said _"why not?" _

"If anyone could get it, it would probably be Jude, Jamie. I think we should tell her." He said slowly followed quickly by snickers from Chad and Wally behind him. My curiosity was piqued now. There was no way Jamie was getting away without telling me what was going on even if I had to body slam him, and from previous experience in our childhood, I knew I was definitely capable of it.

"Okay guys, spit it out!" I warned as I entered the fray and began to tickle Chad, Wally, and Spied mercilessly. They already couldn't breathe from laughing so hard before so they threw their arms up in surrender as Spied choked out Jamie's predicament.

"You have heard about the Paris Hilton video fiasco right?" Spied asked as he choked again. I nodded as a giggle almost escaped my throat. There was no way Spied was going where I think he was going with this, or was there?

"Well, Jamie is now the man of all men, the spud of all teensy weensy insignificant potatoes, the double deuce in Gigolo, the…." Spied ranted as I threw my hand over his mouth and shook him slightly.

"I get the picture, Spied. Just get to the main point." I said on a laugh as he rolled his eyes and bit, yes bit, my hand. I scoffed at him and shook my fingers slightly before sticking the bite mark in my mouth. Hey, it wasn't like we hadn't swapped spit before.

"Okay, in short, Patsy and Jamie got it on in the studio, didn't know that a video camera was set up—or maybe Patsy did, who knows? Anyway, it's now on tape and sitting on Darius's desk for review as he probably thinks there is something to do with music, music videos, or whatever it is Darius reviews on it." Spied said as another snicker escaped his lips. I couldn't help it. I gaped. No let me re-state that—My mouth hung open further than a whale sucking in krill, a pelican scooping up fish, a dog drooling on a hot summer day…okay stop right there! Now I'm just starting to sound like Spiederman.

Jamie. MY little Jamie. Okay, now I _knew_ that he and Patsy were getting intimate, but damn!

"Oh, this is good. This is too too good!" I said as a giggle escaped my mouth followed closely by peals and peals of laughter.

"Tell me you didn't, Jamie!" I said again as I looked up to see his eyes narrowed menacingly and his cheeks tinged in red—so red it even spread from his face, down his neck, and underneath the collar of his shirt.

"You did!" I said as I slapped him merrily on the back. Boy, Patsy must really be rubbing off on him.

"Okay, so you need to find a way to get it out of there, huh?" I murmured as I looked up at a small window above the door still snickering as I did.

"Do you think you guys could manage to lift me up there?" I asked quickly. Judging by the width and the length of the window, I figured I could manage to wiggle through.

"Boy, the predicaments you boys get yourself into!" I said dramatically as I slid a chair over to the door where I positioned it directly under the window. The boys just stood there gaping as if I was an idiot. I shrugged at them and punched Jamie in the arm.

"You want to get it, don't you?" I asked as I motioned for them to help me.

"God, yes!" Jamie said as he suddenly rushed to my assistance. Once we had everything in position, I stood back to survey the situation.

"Okay one of you, climb up on that chair and let me climb up on your shoulders." I said as I pointed rather emphatically at the door. All of the boys just stared at each other amused as I sighed in aggravation.

"Oh, you guys are such wimps! Okay, Spied. You're the tallest, I think. Climb up there." I ordered as Spied shrugged and climbed up onto the chair.

"Why couldn't you be this dominating, my little dominatrix, when we were together, Jude. It's sexy." Spied said in a husky tone as he wagged his eyebrows suggestively. I just rolled my eyes and murmured something about 'having too many men in my life" as I balanced on the arm of the chair and used Spied's hands to help pull myself on top of his shoulders. Chad and Wally were laughing hysterically as I swayed back and forth grabbing helplessly at Spied's shoulders to keep myself from falling.

"This is so not funny, guys." I said tartly as Jamie nodded pathetically in agreement.

"No it isn't." He reiterated with an almost desperate look creeping onto his features. I looked over my shoulder at him sympathetically as I teased,

"You know you could have avoided this whole thing if you had practiced abstinence." I said on a laugh as the guys looked at me as if I needed to be admitted into bedlam. Boy, guys are so touché. Spiederman groaned underneath me as if he was in pain as I placed first one foot onto his right shoulder and then the other onto his left.

"God, Jude, this is so a day that you should have worn a skirt." Spied complained as he hefted me up as high as he could. I lifted the latch on the window and told Spied to lift me up a little higher if possible. Immediately, I noticed where he planned to put his hand and I kicked him slightly on the head.

"Don't even think about it, Spied!" I said in warning. Spiederman hruumphed at me as if he were wounded.

"Geez, Jude, ice skaters do it." He said on a whine as he lifted up as much on his toes as he dared without falling off the chair. Pulling up, I managed to push half my body through the window without too much difficulty. Those chin ups in gym class finally paid off. Hmmm…good thing to know. I was in up to my waist when I heard Spied say "Uh Oh" and Jamie groan before Spied swayed suddenly and went crashing to the floor. I was hanging rather indecently out the window when a voice suddenly emanated from the other room—the half my butt was hanging out of.

"What's the meaning of this?" The voice asked and I froze as if on cue….


	6. Chapter 6

"_Oh, if there is a god, please let me close my eyes and open them to find myself in another dimension right now…" _I thought to myself as I heard Jamie stuttering in the room behind me. "uhhh ummmmm…." He tried but then croaked as if his voice quit working all together. _"Nice save, Andrews." _I thought sardonically as I felt movement under my feet.

"I always liked this side of you best, Harrison. You're certainly _presenting_ me with an interesting presentation. Need a little help, maybe?" Tommy said as he coughed to keep himself from laughing. I could just imagine him looking around at the other guys with a quirked eyebrow, inquiring without speaking just what _was_ going on in here. Oh, if only he knew!

"Kiss my ass, Quincy. You certainly have the perfect opportunity." I said sarcastically as Spied choked in the other room and Chad and Wally, once again, dissolved into spasmodic fits of laughter. Jamie just moaned as if in agony.

"This can't possibly get any worse." I heard him grumble as I felt Tommy climb up onto the chair beneath my legs.

"Such a morsel of temptation, Jude. I think Spied was right. You should have worn a skirt." Tommy said on a laugh as I felt my body temperature raise at least ten degrees from both anger and humiliation.

"Mind telling me what happened before the skirt comment so that I might be able to, I don't know, find a way to get you guys out of this mess maybe." Tommy said lightly. I was really starting to like this position suddenly, especially once I figured out that Tommy's chest was at the same level as my toes. I kicked out but he must have seen what was coming because he grabbed my foot and tickled the bottom of my heel. I screeched as I almost fell head first out the other side of the window, grabbing onto the sill where my stomach was being smashed against the wood. That's what I get for walking around the studio barefoot.

"That wasn't very nice, Jude. Just trying to be a little helpful here." Tommy complained as Jamie kept moaning in the background. I can't help it. I just plain felt sorry for him. I mean, if I had lying on Darius's desk what Jamie had lying on Darius's desk, then I think I'd be just a _little_ sick myself. Wouldn't you?

"I left some lyrics in Darius's office Tommy. And you know what inspiration is like when it hits you? You just have to go with the flow." I said nonchalantly as I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. I was very very glad Tommy couldn't see my face because I am _such_ a bad liar. Tommy hruumphed as he leaned back against the door and grabbed my foot again.

"You are so going to have to do better than that, Harrison. Guys, you plan on helping her out here?" Tommy asked innocently as he skimmed his fingers delicately down the bottom of my foot. Oh, no! He wouldn't!

"Come on, Tommy!" I whined as the boys shuffled in the background. Spied coughed loudly.

"Really, Andrews, do you thinks it's actually going to hurt for one more person to know?" Spied asked as he snickered at the growing glare that Jamie was suddenly throwing his way. Tommy tightened his hold on my foot and I screamed as he began to increase the pressure of his fingers.

"Alright!" Jamie yelled. "Just leave her alone, Quincy! I'm in a little teeny tiny bind, and she's just helping me out, that's all." Jamie said as I imagined him shrugging at everyone in the room. I giggled suddenly as I recalled what his little teeny tiny bind really was. Oh, Boy. Even stuck in a window, I was enjoying this way way too much.

"A little bind, huh?" Tommy asked with a quirked brow.

"Okay, okay…a big bind alright. Can't you please just turn your back and pretend you didn't see us here." Jamie pleaded.

"What kind of bind?" Tommy asked persistently. I couldn't stand it any more.

"Oh for God's sake, Tommy! Jamie and Patsy got their groove on in the studio, it ended up on tape, and now it's lying on Darius's desk. Happy?" I proclaimed as I shook my foot to dislodge it from his hold. Tommy almost fell off the chair and the room grew really quiet. But that was before Tommy had a chance to process what I had just announced. Suddenly, he guffawed while gasping as if his breaths weren't coming close enough together.

"Jamie, my man. You have been holding out on us. I swear I haven't heard anything so funny in years." Tommy said as he laughed hysterically. I could just imagine tears of humor running down Tommy's cheeks as Jamie shot daggers at him with his eyes.

"Nice to be such a source of arousing entertainment for you, Quincy." Jamie stated sarcastically as the rest of the guys started laughing along with Tommy. I squirmed uncomfortably in the window as they enjoyed the entertainment down below.

"Huh, guys. Do you think someone could give me a hand sometime in the next millennium? The longer I lay up here like this, the smaller my chances of having children are becoming!" I yelled in aggravation. The laughing died down but never fully stopped as Tommy pulled himself upright, used one of his hands to push on the soles of my feet, and the other to help shove me upward while I lifted the glass pane enough I could squeeze the rest of the way through. Damn Tommy! He shifted suddenly as I lifted one of my legs onto the sill to shove me through on my rear.

"Hey, I did say you posed way too much temptation, Jude." Tommy said on a laugh as I heard him step away from the chair. Oh, he was so dead! I fumed as I pulled my second leg up and managed to, somehow, squeeze one leg through and then the other before turning and dropping feet first to the floor. Hmmm, I was starting to feel like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. Although, our situation could probably best be framed in the American Pie category in the Hall of Shame. Boy! Geez, could Darius's office get any messier? It took me a full minute to find where Darius had placed the videos stacked under all the paperwork splayed on his desk. And yes, I mean videos. Which means I had no idea how to tell which one could possibly have, you know, on it. A knock on the door reminded me the guys were still outside so I walked over and unlocked the lock so that they could push the door open before stepping back and holding out my hands helplessly. Boy it sure had gotten quiet out there, I thought to myself as the door swung open not to reveal the jovial faces of SME, Tommy, or the down-trodden expression of Jamie Andrews. Nope, no such luck for little ol' me. Instead I came face to face with Liam, Darius's hound dog.

"Looking for this, Ms. Harrison?" He asked politely as he glanced behind him at the now sober group of the men of G Major entertainment. Spied was still trying to keep from laughing, Tommy was leaning casually against the couch with an amused glint in his eyes, and Wally and Chad were trying to keep a very distressed Jamie from falling face first onto the floor. I bit my lower lip as Liam turned back towards me.

"I just finished telling Mr. Andrews over there that I highly enjoyed the new promotional idea he came up with for Darius's latest project. Highly revealing if I must say so myself. Spectacular special effects. Wonderful sound quality. Didn't realize that many noises existed." Liam said as Jamie groaned despairingly. I tried my damndest to keep my face as straight as possible.

"Must be all those amazing qualities that makes him such a wonderful talent agent." I said cheerfully as I smiled lopsidedly at Liam.

"Goes to show, he likes to keep the clients happy." I added quickly. Spied just lost it, all together lost it on that last note and literally fell to the floor in one rolling heap of laughter. Tommy snickered and threw me a glance that said, "Watch your step, Jude." Liam quirked a brow but didn't say anything as he glanced back at Jamie.

"Considering the ramifications This would have on the company's publicity, I never saw this tape. Do you understand me Mr. Andrews? Consider this strike two and a half." Liam said as he dropped the video gingerly into my hands before walking away stoically as Jamie sagged in relief. I glanced at the tape tentatively before turning around, placing the other tapes back on Darius's desk, and locking Darius's door back with a resounding 'click.' "Hmmmmmm…" I said thoughtfully as I walked stealthily across the room.

"I'm guessing Liam knows you a lot better than he had ever hoped to before." I said as a laugh finally escaped my lips. And, once started, there just was no stopping.

"Please tell me you intend to allow us to watch a preview. I can bring popcorn." Spied said hopefully. Ohhh, I so just got sick to my stomach. Jamie snatched the video out of my hands, glared at Spied, and turned on his heels. I glanced at Tommy who was still smirking at the whole situation.

"So, tell me guys, have you ever starred in your own at-home projects or has geeky Jamie Andrews one upped you all." I said on a laugh. Glancing mischievously at Tommy (I owed him a pay back), I pinched his butt while brushing past him in order to head back to Studio 1 to finish my song for the big L.A. trip. Oh, I would so be laughing for days. Looking back over my shoulder, I yelled to Tommy as I wagged my brows,

"You're a veritable bounty of temptation, Quincy. I just couldn't help myself."

**Footnote: I loved the reviews on the last chapter. Thanks. Will post more soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up the day of my birthday with a smile plastered across my face, not because it was my birthday, but because we were leaving that night for L.A. I had made Sadie and mom promise not to do anything big since dad's passing had sort of thrown a shadow over the occasion, but G Majors was planning to throw a small reception once we got to L.A. I could live with that. Throwing the covers off, I jumped out of bed, literally hopped into the shower, and then threw on a pair of Jeans and a red spaghetti strap tank top before slipping on some red flip flops and pulling my hair back into a ponytail. No, I am not a ponytail type of girl, but today I was just planning on living with it. I had to meet with Darius, Portia, and the guys at the studio before we left that night as we needed to do a few finishing touches as well as costume checks before we boarded. The group going with us had grown so large that Darius had decided to charter a small, private plane for our use instead of going commercial. Privately, I was actually relieved about that since I had developed a very firm phobia of flying due to what had happened to my dad. Grabbing my suitcase, I marched downstairs in order to head to the studio. Mom and Sadie were there making breakfast and chatting as I walked over to the cupboard and grabbed a pop tart before walking towards the front door.

"Stop right there, Jude Harrison." Mom said firmly and I flinched as I turned slowly around to see three pancakes loaded with syrup, a butter square, and a single white candle sitting stoically in the center.

"You are not getting away without letting us at least say Happy Birthday, now are you Jude. That would just spoil the day for us." Sadie said jovially as I raised my brow at her and smiled.

"You are way way too perky for eight in the morning, sunshine." I said humorously as I made my way to the table and blew out the single flame in one breath.

"What did you wish for?" Sadie asked as if on cue. I shrugged and grinned.

"Fame, fortune, you know, the usual things." I said quickly although my real wish sat in the back of my mind festering like an open sore. Sadie rolled her eyes even though she grinned as she pulled the candle out of the food and handed me a fork. I started to look at my watch when a hand suddenly clasped my wrist and pulled it back down to my side.

"Don't think so, cutie. Today, time is not of the essence. And you better finish that syrupy food before I let you into the Viper." Tom Quincy said as he suddenly materialized beside me. I smiled broadly at him as he handed me a small white rose and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Happy birthday." He whispered as a loud noise at the front of the living room caused all of us to jump in surprise.

"Sorry." Jamie murmured apologetically as he stumbled through the room lugging a very big suitcase.

"Taking the whole house, Andrews?" I asked with a laugh as he glared at me sullenly.

"No, thank you very much. Patsy decided it would be easier to stuff both of our clothes in one bag instead of two. Trust me, most of this is her stuff." He said quickly as the rest of us chuckled. Jamie wasn't originally supposed to be going on the trip, but it's surprising what a little horny video tape, blackmail, and Liam will equal up to. Hmmmm. Let's just say it didn't take a whole lot of persuading on my part.

"And you want him along because…?" Tommy asked surreptitiously in my ear. I smiled up at him with a knowing look on my face.

"Come on, Tommy, tell me out of everyone we know, who has caused the most comedic relief lately?" I said jokingly. Tom shrugged and grinned.

"Can't argue with you there. Having the Addams Family along will definitely perk things up a bit." Tommy said winningly. Jamie glanced up with a scowl as he straightened a strap that had fallen loose on the case.

"I heard that, you two." Jamie said with a grimace as we laughed and gathered our suitcases to place in the back of Tommy's car. I bent to pick up my two bags when Tommy suddenly brushed my hands aside and grabbed the handles.

"I've got it, Jude." He said quietly and our eyes met briefly as we both stood back up slowly.

"Well, chivalry isn't dead." I said with a small shake of my head and a fond grin as I watched him walk out the door with my bags. Mom sidled up beside me, followed my gaze with her eyes, and then smiled tenderly as she put her arm around my shoulder.

"Sometimes, the best ones are worth the wait." She said gently before placing her forehead against mine. "Happy birthday, sweetheart." I looked into her eyes and smiled before stepping away. I was painfully on the verge of tears, and I was so not going to cry on a day like this. The wind was chilly as we all headed out in two separate vehicles—Tom, Jamie, and I were in the Viper with mom and Sadie in the car behind us. Tommy had informed me once we got out to the car that Darius had decided he wanted to leave earlier. Any last minute stuff could be done when we got there that way we would have a chance to sit back and relax a little before the interview. I definitely couldn't disagree with that. Upon reaching the small airport where the charter plane was waiting, Tommy paid for the week of parking before automatically lifting his roof and locking his doors. Mom and Sadie followed suit. Out near the edge of the runway, the boys of SME were stacking suitcases in a vain attempt at what looked like a game of Suitcase Legos. Wally was stacking a small blue one on a large black one when Spied started wrestling Chad and all three fell on the pile in a haphazard mix. Not far from them, Patsy was walking around the buildings sneakily, probably looking for something to add to her already large klepto collection. I shook my head slowly as I nudged Tommy lightly on the shoulder before pointing to the group.

"Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense." I said wistfully as Tommy laughed at the quip. A black limo pulled in behind us and I slid a sideways glance to Tommy as we shared a knowing look. Darius never could arrive anywhere without coming in style. Out of the vehicle, Kwest, Portia, Darius, and Liam all exited while a driver started unloading their bags from the back. Kwest walked over to us and I gave him an amused grin as he came to a stop.

"Now, how did you manage to catch a ride in the big man's stylish automobile?" I said snidely as Kwest shrugged before grinning mischievously.

"It's all in who you know." He said with a chuckle as Darius yelled for all of us to get ready to board. The crew of the company who owned the charter took our luggage and started packing it into the back of the plane as the rest of us walked over to the stairs that led into the machine's gaping belly. My nerves were on end as I took the stairs one at a time. Flashbacks to my father's news report kept flashing through my head, and I began to feel a little faint as I stepped through the door into the aisle of the plane. The lone flight attendant smiled winsomely at me as she motioned for me to take whatever seat I felt comfortable with. I glanced back at Sadie and mom, but neither seemed to notice the predicament I was in. "Please, don't let me hyperventilate." I thought to myself as I tried to take a step forward. A gentle nudging from behind me caused me to look up into Tommy's knowing gaze and he pointed to two seats near the front of the plane behind the cock pit.

"You'll have more leg room if you sit there." He said quietly as he led me over to the seats. I just nodded mutely as we sat down and watched as the rest of our odd crew boarded and took a seat. The flight attendant started speaking but hell if I knew. I saw her lips moving but that was as far as I got. Have you ever seen that movie French Kiss with Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline where Meg is deathly afraid of flying so she keeps running montages through her head to keep from going insane. I was so identifying with that character right now. Tommy held out a stick of gum to me as the engines roared to life.

"It helps." He said gently as I shook my head emphatically.

"Tommy, if I put that in my mouth, I will puke." I said point blank as Tommy took my hand in his and squeezed it gently.

"Just breathe, Jude. The take off is the worst part." He said as the plane began to roll down the runway. I braced myself by digging my nails into Tommy's hand as it started to lift off the ground. Tommy winced and said jokingly,

"You know, it would have been better if you had just taken the gum." I threw him a look and closed my eyes tight shut until I felt a breeze on my ear as Tom whispered,

"Jude, we're in the air now." I cracked open an eyelid and peeked out the window and sighed. Now if only I could make it through the rest of the flight. I glanced down at Tom's hands and noticed the angry welts that now marred his skin. He hadn't even complained much about the pain.

"Geez, Tom! I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say something?" I asked quickly as I took his hand in mine and leaned over to take a kleenex out of my bag to wipe it off. Tom just watched me quietly.

"It'll heal, Jude. You needed the comfort more than I needed to be comfortable." Tom said thoughtfully. I couldn't help but gape at him as something wet and very white flew through the air and landed on my foot. Oh! Ugghhhh. It was a spitball.

"Spied!" I shouted in irritation as the plane continued forward to California. What a way to start a trip…..


	8. Chapter 8

_**Author's note: Thank you so very much for your reviews. I have enjoyed writing this story so much. I have grown really attached to my characters. Please keep reading and reviewing. I promise I will post soon. Smiles.**_

"Jude….Yo Jude." Tommy said loudly as he shook my shoulders with considerable force.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty, we're in L.A." He said again as I slowly opened one eye only to close it again quickly.

"At least close the window a moment until my eyes adjust to the light, Tom" I said quietly as a sharp pain radiated across my forehead. He chuckled lightly as he pulled the shade, and I lifted my lids completely this time to find everyone getting ready for the landing ahead.

"It's the altitude change, Jude. It gives some people a slight headache. I told you to take the gum." He said authoritatively. The plane descended as I looked over at him and narrowed my eyes.

"You mention that freakin' gum one more time, Tom, I swear I am going to stuff it down your throat." I said grouchily as I looked over his shoulder at SME who were sitting behind us playing rock, paper, scissors—God only knows what they were playing to avoid—and then over to the seats across from us at Jamie and Patsy. Jamie smiled slightly at me as he noticed my glance while Patsy stuffed a little package of peanuts and a mini drink into her bag before grinning at me as well. I smiled broadly at the two before looking back once again to Tommy. His brows were arched sardonically.

"Remind me to let you get a full eight hours of sleep before I attempt to wake you up again." He said gingerly. I smiled apologetically at him and rubbed his hand as if I was petting a dog.

"Sorry, big boy. This plane ride has just really drained the energy from me. At least we won't have to do it again for a week." I said on a sigh as I felt the wheels hit the pavement of the runway with a 'jolt.' I exhaled noisily as I stood up to grab my carry on before heading to the door the flight attendant had just positioned herself by. The interview and the photo shoot were the next afternoon and Darius had so many events and receptions planned for the rest of the week that I feared we would all drown in the work. I stepped up to the door and stood in the open entrance looking silently at the mountains, palm trees, and extravagant buildings as the wind whipped my ponytail wildly from side to side.

"Welcome to the big time." Tommy said knowingly from behind me and I smiled at him as the palm of his hand found the small of my back, guiding me down the stairs slowly as if knowing I needed the support. Note to self: should invest in crash test dummies cause something tells me I'm in for a wild ride.

_A little later…_

We arrived at the wonderfully grand hotel that we were supposed to be staying in, and Sadie, mom, and I acted like a bunch of giggling little girls as they showed us to the absolutely ginormous suite we would be sharing together. Can you tell that we Harrison women don't get out much? It was incredible. Three queen size beds, a small living area, and a kitchen. Between the people at 'Rolling Stones' and Darius, I was discovering that they were taking quite good care of us.

"Oh boy!" I cried loudly as I jumped, yes jumped, onto the bed nearest the window.

"So, what are you guys planning on doing while we do boring studio stuff?" I asked almost enviously as I landed with a 'huff' on my butt in the middle of the bed. Crossing my legs, I looked expectantly at mom and Sadie as they took seats on their own beds opposite me.

"Shop, what else?" Sadie said with an excited smile. Mom nodded her head in agreement as I moaned as if the world were coming to an end.

"At least try to see some of the sights." I said with a fond grin at the two. Mom inclined her head and placed her finger on her lower lip as if she were thinking very hard about it.

"Okay, maybe one sight or two." She said with a laugh as I groaned and threw a pillow at her. She ducked and we all just sat there a minute processing where we were in life and what we were going to do about it. That is until the hotel phone rang with Darius on the other line proclaiming my presence 'this instant.' I groaned good-humoredly as I walked over to the door, waved bye to mom and Sadie and began my long trek downstairs toward a week I knew was going to be very exhausting.

_Afternoon of Day 1 in L.A…_

I twiddled my thumbs nervously as I walked into the room knowing without a doubt that I had stepped outside my league a long time ago. Spied, on the other hand, walked behind me looking refreshed and raring to go. The photo shoot before the interview was not something the guys were looking forward to, but it was a trying event they were certainly willing to adhere to. The magazine wanted mostly pictures of me although they had decided that a few pictures of the band wouldn't hurt as well. Just SME's luck (laugh out loud).

"So do I look hot?" Spied asked as we walked in. I laughed as I looked around at the makeup and hairstylists posted strategically around the room.

"Well, if you don't now, you will by the time we leave this place." I said on a chuckle as the first of the stylists approached motioning for us to follow them. I coughed, gagged, sneezed, and yelped as things were plucked, waxed, sprayed, or powder puffed into place before I was shoved rather decorously towards the costume lady who was holding out what I considered just a tid too revealing an outfit, but at least it covered all of the essentials. Once that was taken care of, I stood before the camera awkwardly waiting for whatever instructions the photographer had to give as the boys of SME pointed at me, whistled cat calls, and laughed raucously. I narrowed my eyes at them and began to make a snide remark when I suddenly noticed what they were wearing. I absolutely died. The blue jean cut-offs, ear studs, and leather reminded me way too much of a rocker band out of the eighties and I was so seriously amused by it. By the time the photographer scolded me for not paying attention, I had laughed to the point that the make-up artists had to come give me a touch up. After that, it was pose after pose first by myself and then with the guys. Spied had stooped down on the ground with me propping my arms on his back while the other two guys leaned toward us for our final shot when I noticed Tommy standing with his arms crossed and an unreadable expression on his face as he watched. Spied laughed suddenly as they announced we were finished, lifted me ceremoniously off the ground, and hoisted me up onto his shoulders. I yelped and slapped at his hands as he took me and dumped me on one of the beds they had insisted I take a picture on earlier in the day.

"Now, doesn't that make a picture I want to keep for a lifetime." He said laughingly as he held up his hands in a mock imitation of a camera. I humored him and posed as he clicked down with his fingers, and then he held out his hand so that he could help me up. I placed my hand in his and let him pull as I looked over in the direction of the costume person, impatient to be changed so we could get onto the interview part of the session. Walking hand in hand for a moment with Spied, I let his hand go as we approached the wardrobe lady, who thankfully, handed me an outfit I could be comfortable in since no more pictures would be taken that day. Tommy came up behind me then and poked me gently on the shoulder.

"Ready to go Jude? We have to walk downstairs to the interview and then Darius wants us to meet to go over some song selections and ideas for your concert tonight." I nodded mutely at him as he led me down the stairs toward the columnist who would be asking the questions. The air grew cooler as we descended the stairs and I took a deep, unsteady breath as I tried to get my heart to start beating at a normal tempo instead of the galloping crescendo that it was presently overwhelming me with. I glanced beside me to see Tommy walking with a clenched jaw almost as if he were afraid of what was to come too, or was it something else that was bothering him? I shook off any worries as we walked through the door of the room where the interview was to take place before following quietly as a representative of the magazine led me to a small table in the center of the room. A woman sat there stoically with a note pad, pencil, and tape recorder situated neatly and precisely across the surface as if she were a brain surgeon afraid of unsterile equipment instead of a journalist asking a few questions. She smiled as she stood up to shake my hand and then we both sat down opposite each other quickly as we both seemed to realize how much we wanted to get this over with.

"Well, Jude Harrison." She began slowly. "Everyone wants to know, what it's like being the first Instant Star?" I smiled as I looked at the staff of G Major standing to the side.

"Grueling." I answered jokingly before chuckling. "Actually, it has been an eye-opening experience for me—allowing me the chance to do things with my music I never thought that I would do before. And in the year that I have been working with G Major, my music has grown so much. Its still raw and edgy but it also takes the audience places I don't think it would have taken them before. Besides, I have also been given the opportunity to work with people like SME and Tom Quincy who have taken my music and taken me amazing places with it." I said honestly as the lady leaned over with a mischievous expression on her face.

"Which brings me to the next question, Jude. It's kind of hard to miss that a lot of your songs are about romance and broken hearts. Is there anyone in particular who inspires those heart-rending renditions?" She asked while leaning over closely as if she were afraid that she would miss something. I sighed heavily.

"I won't lie and say that any song, especially my songs, aren't normally written about people I know or the things that I have been through. Everyone knows about my break up with Shay, everyone knows about the problems that my parents had, and everyone knows that great music stems from personal tragedy. So, yes, my songs are written about special people in my life; however, about a particular person? Sure there is—myself." I answered as the lady narrowed her eyes hoping, I think, that I would have revealed something scandalous or at least outside the average norm. The columnist sighed as she tapped her pencil gently on the table.

"Okay, I'll buy that." She said finally. "I've also heard rumors about a relationship with your producer, Tom Quincy. You spend an awful lot of time alone in the studio, and it has been known to happen before in other famous pairings. Look at Celine Dion and her husband." She asked as I just stared at her mutely. Celine had been thirteen when she had started working for her future husband who was, by then, already in his thirties. Tommy and I didn't even closely compare. I leaned back and gave her a look that said _"I don't think so lady."_

"I have never met a more amazing person than Tom Quincy. Considering the type of music I play, the edge that I am always striving for when I pick up my guitar, I was totally against pairing with him at first. But it didn't take long for him to prove me wrong. He's dependable, and he just plain makes my music better. Between him and the other staff of G Major, I don't think my albums would have turned out as faultless and beautiful as they have. As for romantic rumors, let the gossip mill run its course. It seems to make people happy to imagine me doing more than singing when I am in the studio. However, the only relationship I have beyond work with Quincy is friendship and respect." I said quietly, letting the lie roll easily off my tongue as I watched Tommy squirm uneasily from the corner of my eye. Maybe, he thought I would have said something to embarrass him or to force him to come out about his feelings, but I had so out grown that petty need to do that to him anymore. It was time to show him that. The woman looked at me with rising respect as she leaned back and grinned.

"Okay to the fun fact questions." She said as she went on to ask my favorite color, foods, etc., and what I thought about certain political issues or certain aspects of the music industry. The interview was almost over when she sat up to ask me one final question. I knew it was going to be a hard one just from the look that popped into her eyes, and I braced myself for it. I could see mom and Sadie smiling in encouragement from the side of the room and that was all I needed.

"Now, we all know that you recently lost your father tragically in a plane crash. How has that changed your life? Will it affect your career, your choices from now on?" She asked suddenly and I winced at the pain that suddenly shot through my stomach. I couldn't say anything for a moment, and I saw Darius begin to fidget from the corner of my eye so I took a deep breath and plunged on.

"Stuart Harrison was one remarkable individual. He was everything from my best friend and confidante to an unparalleled fountain of advice and comfort. Sure, as my father, we had our moments as all families do at times, but all in all, I was closer to him than almost anyone in my life. As anyone knows who has ever lost a parent, it's like losing a huge chunk of your soul—having it ripped away to be replaced by emptiness. He was the man that helped to bring me into this world, who watched as I took my first step, helped change my diapers, taught me how to ride a bike, and who bought me my first guitar. No, I won't ever be the same Jude Harrison after that, but I think that the Jude Harrison who came out of the ordeal intact is even better. My mother and my sister are great. They are the glue that keeps this little family together. We have all suffered, and we have all grown. The only affect it has had on my career is my over-all drive to succeed. Because now, I am doing it for more than myself. I am doing it for him and for my family as well." I said softly, noticing as I did that mom and Sadie both had tears in their eyes and even the rest of the staff was beginning to look a little shiny around the eyelids. The woman sat back and smiled with growing respect.

"Well, there you have it people. Jude Harrison—the first Instant Star—grown into a more mature artist whose music has caught us unawares and who keeps surprising us daily. Keep it up Jude and maybe we'll be talking to you again in the future." She said on a final note as she stood and shook my hand firmly while whispering in my ear as she walked by me to leave. "That was great, Jude Harrison. Good luck." I smiled at her as she walked away before turning towards Darius who was standing with his arms crossed against the wall. Mom and Sadie rushed forward full of praise followed by everyone else from the studio. I just kept staring at Darius until he finally pushed himself away from the wall and walked over to me. He smiled as he nodded his head slightly. "Good job, Jude. Now, it's time to prepare for the concert." He said loudly before walking out the door. "_Boy, he is such a veritable fountain of praise_," I thought sarcastically as I gathered my stuff and followed everyone out the door.

After the concert 

The room was quiet as Tommy, Jamie, Patsy, SME and I lounged lazily around the guy's suite, flipping through the channels on the hotel T.V. looking for some sort of distraction after the chaos of the interview and the pure physical adrenaline of the concert afterward. I was beyond exhaustion and meandering somewhere between delirious and harried. I was sitting between Tommy and Spied (I know what a pair to be stuck between, huh?) listening as Patsy described in explicit detail, to the fascination of all the guys except Jamie, about the tattoo she had gotten on her right breast. She's certainly got more courage than I do. No one is going near that part of my body with anything sharp—uh uh no way! After a while, somewhere between Patsy's physical explanation and flipping through the channels on the television, someone suggested renting a video. It was while I was getting up to throw on some shoes when I noticed a tape sitting on the ledge of the T.V..

"Did someone already rent a movie?" I asked quickly while pointing to the black VHS on the television. All of the guys shook their heads so I just shrugged and walked over to it, looking as I did for any title that might be displayed.

"You guys want to see what it is or do you just want me to go find something?" I asked solemnly as my search for a title ended in vain. Tommy shrugged and motioned for me to slip it in.

"It's not gonna hurt to check it out first." He said quietly as he inclined his head backwards and closed his eyes. I had a feeling he'd be asleep before long anyway. I was already curious as to why he was hanging out here with us instead of doing something equally as boring with Kwest. Slipping the tape into the VCR, I took the remote and resumed my seat between my ex and my 'whatever Tommy was.' The feed was bad at first revealing that the tracking was not all that good on the tape. Frustrated by the static, Spied grabbed the remote and began to fast forward furiously. I slitted my eyes until they were just about completely closed and inclined my head back next to Tommy's. I had almost dozed when I noticed that Spied was awful quiet beside me. Okay, let me stop right here. You must understand that Spied is _never_ quiet. I was just opening my eyes when I heard Jamie yell.

"Oh dear God!" Before knocking over whatever chair he had been sitting in as he suddenly jumped up. The crash woke Tommy and the next thing I knew, Tommy, me, and the members of SME (with the exception of Spiederman) stood up staring anywhere or at anything except the television screen.

"Not bad" I heard Patsy murmur as Jamie ran to the VCR and snatched the tape out of the player. Spied shrugged as the screen went black.

"I say we don't have to rent." He said with a laugh as we all looked at him incredulously. We had just witnessed part of the infamous Jamie/Patsy tape and Spied acted as if his stomach was still in great condition. I, on the other hand, needed an entire bottle of TUMS. I noticed a small white piece of paper folded up neatly on the floor next to the corner where the tape had been lying earlier. I picked it up and died out laughing as I read the precise black script written across the page. That conniving little S.O.B had made a copy. I passed the note to Tommy who read: _Dear Mr. Andrews, I thought you might like a chance to preview the promotional work of art you worked so hard to create. Liam._

After Tommy finished reading the missive, the room was quiet except for the obnoxious sound of my continuing laughter.

"Well, well," I said thoughtfully as I held my stomach to keep from giggling anymore. "I didn't know it was in him. Guess it goes to show our little Liam has an actual sense of humor." I reiterated as I dissolved once again into a fit of laughter followed closely behind by everyone in the room except maybe Jamie, although I swear I saw him crack a smile. It wasn't long after, we all decided to call it a night. I don't think we had the stomach to do much else.

The next day… 

Darius had us all shaking hands and attending more receptions and meetings than any of us were even prepared to comprehend. And the exhaustion literally had me on the verge of strangling him. We were even now only hours away from another reception and were lounging around the lobby of the hotel trying to talk ourselves into getting ready for the event. Besides, getting ready was Portia's concern—not mine. Tommy was lounged on a couch listening to something on headphones while SME was standing in the corner of the lobby playing a tournament on their game boys. Jamie and Patsy had disappeared only minutes before and had yet to return. Hopefully, no cameras were involved this time. Portia was measuring me for a costume she wanted to make some adjustments to and I yelped as she stuck me in the thigh with a straight pin. "Sorry." She murmured around another half dozen pins stuck haphazardly in her mouth as Tommy glanced up from the couch with his eyebrow cocked in amusement. Suddenly his gaze landed somewhere over my shoulder and I saw his face go several shades past pale straight into ghastly. I peeked behind me to see a young woman, probably only about a year older than Sadie searching the lobby as if in desperate pursuit of something. In front of me, Portia gasped suddenly and dropped her pins as Tommy came rushing over to us to stoop in front of my dress.

"Tommy Q, get up from there this instant!" Portia raved as Tommy shook his head emphatically. I was just plain amused.

"I am not moving until that…that thing leaves this lobby." He said with gusto as I crinkled my brows in confusion. I glanced at Portia who shrugged. Tom sighed.

"That girl over there is the daughter of one of the execs Darius has been entertaining. Unfortunately, she is also a bona fide obsessed fan of Boyz Attack. Ever since the first reception, she has been plaguing me with love letters, fruit baskets, phone calls, and even text messages. I swear to God the chick is insane!" He said as he clutched suddenly at the hem of my dress and moved around to my side as the girl headed towards the opposite side of me to the door. I could hear Tommy mumbling, "Just walk out the door" to himself and I smiled as he groaned when she looked in our general direction. Obviously, my hips were wide enough to hide him because she looked right past him and then turned and walked out the hotel door. Tommy literally sagged in relief as he sunk down to the floor below Portia and I.

"Can I finish this now, Tommy?" Portia asked impatiently as Tommy nodded before scooting backwards out of her way. I chuckled quietly.

"You better be glad my big hips and butt have invisibility powers." I said as I grinned at him below me.

"Girl," He said honestly. "Right now I am in love with those hips and that butt." He said as he shuddered dramatically and looked towards the door. I sighed as I watched his face. Maybe one day, he would say that for real.

Later that afternoon… 

The girl seemed to be everywhere we went. Tom just couldn't shake her. I had heard about obsessed boy banders but, geez, this one was beginning to give a whole new definition to 'stalker.' Spied laughed as he glimpsed her standing to the side of the auditorium.

"Your girlfriend's here, Tommy Q." He said on a laugh as Tom glanced behind him and grimaced as if he were in severe pain.

"Oh, dear God! Someone in the industry had to have a daughter that watched way too many Boyz Attack videos." He said on a sigh as he rushed into the crowd looking for a way to lose himself in the meld of people. I looked back at Spied and grinned.

"How long do you think he can keep himself hidden away from her? I'm betting maybe a half hour." Spied smiled back.

"I'll take that bet and raise you another half hour. He's pretty determined." Spied said on a laugh. I looked at the girl searching frantically through all the faces for her idol.

"Yeah, but so is she." I said with a chuckle. We waded through the party together, and I laughed as Spied made faces at all of the execs that came by. Nonchalantly, he made a champagne glass accidentally tip over onto a woman who had stuck her nose up at us as we walked by. I had to cover my mouth and nose to keep from snickering. I had to admit, I had missed Spied's fooling around mostly because you never had to worry about being sad around him. But our relationship also lacked all complications. I know that sounds like a good thing but sometimes complications create tension and tension can create a whole lot of passion although I won't lie and say that Spied and I didn't have passion when we were together. I watched him eye a young brunette in a slinky red dress, and I whispered for him to ask her to dance. I knew he still had feelings for me although he tried to forget about them by looking at other women, and I encouraged it because I wanted him to find someone who could give him her undivided attention. He looked over at me quickly and nodded as if he were unsure. I punched him on the shoulder and playfully pushed him toward her watching as he made his way slowly through the crowd. I was uneasy about seeing him with someone else, but I knew it was the right thing. I missed Kat right then only because we would have gossiped together about the whole affair. We had sort of made amends at my father's funeral, but we were still a while away from going back to the way things were before. People swirled around me as I made my way to the side of the room, noticing as I went that Tommy's lunatic stalker was well on her way to discovering where he was amidst the crowd, and it's not as if he could leave the room. It would insult whatever business people Darius had so gregariously invited. Tommy stalked up to me then with a look of pure disgust.

"This is getting absolutely ridiculous." He said on a sigh as he pressed himself as deep into the shadows of the wall as he could. I looked at my watch—thirty minutes were up. I grinned at Tom as he looked at me suspiciously.

"Late for something?" He asked casually. I cackled at him almost evilly as I smiled broadly.

"Nope. Just bet Spiederman that 'psycho girl' would catch up with you in about thirty minutes. Spied bet an hour." I said on a laugh as Tommy's expression changed from casual to _'you are so dead.'_ The girl turned suddenly and I could tell that she was about to head in our general direction. Tommy smirked as an idea suddenly came into his head.

"Good." He said thoughtfully. "Then you can help me let Spiederman win his bet." He said before suddenly grabbing me by my shoulders, twisting me so that my back was against the wall and his was facing the room before suddenly and desperately taking my lips with his, punishing my mouth mercilessly just as the girl suddenly walked past us unaware of who the couple at the wall could possibly be. I literally fell into the kiss—reveling in the warm sensation that started in my toes and moved all the way throughout my body. I was on fire. He pulled back suddenly and I realized that his 'fan' had made it to the other side of the room and was engaged in conversation with someone she obviously knew. I was breathless, and I know my lips had to be swollen and my cheeks tinged in red, and although Tommy didn't look like he was even somewhat affected by the kiss, I could tell by the storm clouds that raced through his eyes that he had been. He nodded at me then and glanced at his watch.

"I think Spied's about to win his bet." Tommy said daringly as he winked and walked back into the crowd. Oh no he didn't! I casually walked across the room, chatting as I went with people here and there until I finally caught sight of the girl from the corner of my eye. Stepping up to her I commented.

"Oh my God! Did I just see Little Tommy Q over there by the punch bowl?" I said dramatically holding my hands over my eyes as if shutting out the overhead lights so I could see better. The girl squealed as she turned, spotted her prey, and headed hurriedly in his direction. I lifted my hand and waved sweetly at him as he threw his hands up in surrender and fled as best he could through the crowd. Laughing, I turned to see Darius behind me with a pointed expression on his face.

"Jude." He said quietly. "We need to talk." I just looked at him with a grimace as I followed him out of the room. All the while he chattered as he led me to a small room outside the reception area.

"What you said about your dad at the interview really touched people, Jude. It has really given you some great PR. Because of that, I was hoping we could, I don't know, really hype up the whole emotional aspect of your career right now." He said firmly as I looked at him incredulously.

"Are you asking me to cry for points, Darius?" I asked as if I had been slapped in the face. "Because if you are, then you can forget it." I said with finality as I turned to walk out of the room. Darius grabbed me by my upper arm and looked at me intently.

" I am not saying that, Jude. I'm just saying it may not hurt your sales any if you use that a little." He said with a shrug.

"What!" I yelled. Thank goodness the music in the other room was loud. "I will not use my father's death to make my sales go up. Do you understand me Darius? It hurts enough as it is." I said on a cry as I started to say something else only to be interrupted by a voice behind us.

"I think you should come with me, Jude." I heard Tommy say quietly as I turned to see my very angry producer staring purposely at Darius. I shook my head in resignation.

"I've got this, Tommy." I said matter-of-factly as Darius leaned casually against the wall behind me. He and Tommy began fighting a battle of words over me and my situation, not even giving me the chance to remark, so I just turned and walked out of the room. I could hear Tommy telling me to wait, but I just kept on going knowing that he would follow anyway.

_Thirty minutes later…_

The park was dark when Tommy and I entered it. I could see from his expression that he was still rather piqued about the situation so I kept my mouth shut as I walked over to a group of swings that were swaying slightly in the breeze.

"I haven't sat in one of these in years. Come on, let's sit awhile." I said jovially as I pulled at his arm before taking my place in one swing and pointing at the one next to me for him. Tom raised his brow uncertainly and I grinned at the ridiculous expression.

"Oh, come on! Even old men don't ever get tired of swing-sets. It's one of those things from our childhood that just keeps coming back to us for more." I said with certainty as I started to pump my legs gently in order to get the swing to move back and forth only a little. Tom shook his head at me before finally sitting down on the other swing.

"You're one of a kind, Jude Harrison." He said fondly as I smiled at him while pretending to preen my feathers.

"Why thank you, Mr. Quincy. Such kind words can get you anywhere." I remarked on a laugh only to notice the shadow covering Tommy's face again. I sighed in irritation.

"Come on, Tommy! It's fine okay. I just got a little upset back there. I did not mean to fly off the handle and I did not need you to help me." I said in aggravation. Tommy grabbed the chain on my swing and pulled me close.

"Jude, you know all you have to do is say "rescue me," and I would come running in a heart beat." Tommy said quietly. I looked at him for a minute noting the way his eyes grazed over my face almost in fascination. I loved Tommy, but I wasn't giving him the satisfaction anymore of letting him think I was a kid that needed his protection. I wasn't angry when I finally spoke just a little resigned as I pulled the chain out of his hand and turned so that I was completely facing him.

"Sometimes you just don't seem to get it, Quincy." I said on a sigh. I glanced down at my shoe for a moment and then back up to him before taking a deep breath and plunging on. "Rescue me huh? Tom, those two words are rightfully the two easiest, most romantic, most vulnerable, most needy words in the English language. It would be so easy for me just to say, 'here, take away all of my burdens and make it better'—to close my eyes and envision a white charger materializing out of the mists to slay my demons, to take a sword to any dragons, and a band-aid to any wounds. But, in the end, I want to be able to wake up in the morning and be proud of the image staring back at me in the mirror. For, in truth, it isn't always about having someone else rescue you, Tommy, it's about finding a way to rescue yourself." I said firmly glancing at his stunned expression before doing the one thing I had thought I wasn't capable of anymore. I leaned over, placed one hand on each side of Tommy's face and let my lips slide gently against his just enough to let him feel my passion but keeping enough back that he would, hopefully, feel the need for more.

"Maybe I am at that point, Tommy, where I need something more from you than just rescuing." I said on a breath as I stood up and walked away—yes walked away. It was the right thing to do at the time. Tommy needed to think, and I hoped to God that I had left him with something to think about. Besides, Jamie, SME, and Patsy were determined to go out on the town tonight and I was just as equally determined not to disappoint them.

Later that night 

The bar was dark, smoky, and crowded as we walked in looking for relief from the grueling schedule and asinine orders that Darius kept snapping at us during the day. We all needed to unwind a little—to stop, look at ourselves, and find what in our natures kept us ticking. I walked over to the counter, sat down on a bar stool, and looked around slowly while noticing out of the corner of my eyes that the members of SME and Patsy and Jamie were doing just about the same thing. In the background, a singer performed on the stage doing a really bad rendition of Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville. What? Did they actually think that a song about a depressed man drinking alcohol would cause people to buy more drinks because right now the only thing it was doing for me was making me sick.

"Can I get you something?" A voice asked behind me and I turned just in time to see the bartender standing there impatiently fiddling with a small white towel he had just draped over his shoulder. I shook my head gently knowing that, even with my fake ID, I had no desire to befuddle my brain that night. Staring back out into the room, I smiled as I watched Spied and the guys harass whatever good-looking thing walking on two legs happened to pass by. I wondered quickly if they remembered we were in California right now because, believe it or not, you can't always tell the difference between a real woman and drag. The thought made me chuckle as, out of the corner of my other eye, I watched Patsy sliding against Jamie as she tried to get him onto the dance floor while sipping a drink she had so obviously used her fake ID to get or whatever means she had of acquiring what she always managed to acquire. We all needed this 'cooling down period.' I really didn't have much desire to do anything other than watch the other guys have a good time so I settled back and enjoyed the view while turning down the occasional guy when he came to ask me to dance. An hour later, my butt was starting to go to sleep from sitting too long when an insistent tap on my shoulder brought me out of my reverie. I glanced backwards to notice a very ugly man standing behind me. He was a round, robust middle-aged man with a balding head whose breath smelled suspiciously like Jack Daniel's. He wore an old cutt-off jean jacket, and tattoos blared loudly from each of his arms.

"Can I buy you a drink, missie?" H asked suddenly and I was almost overcome by the stench that wafted off of him.

"No, thank you." I said quickly before starting to turn away again. He chuckled wickedly and placed a few bills on the bar behind them.

"Get this girl a couple of shots, will you?" He asked the bartender loudly as I looked at him in both disbelief and disgust.

"I don't want anything, thank you." I said loudly this time as I turned away from him roughly, fully intending to get up and walk away.

"Come on now darlin'. You sure were sittin' here looking mighty lonely a minute ago. I don't see why you would be adverse to just a little company." He said in a tone that didn't encourage argument.

"You messin' with our girl?" A voice asked menacingly from behind me in a voice that sounded suspiciously like a very bad imitation of Clint Eastwood in 'Dirty Harry." Uh huh, oh yeah, this was definitely going to make things better. The guy looked from me, to the boys of SME behind me, and then back to me again before he laughed in obvious amusement.

"Your girl?" He asked with a quirked brow. "Boy, you sure like it kinky, don't you, sweetheart?" He asked as he looked at me with a drunken twinkle in his eyes before placing his hand on my arm. I just grinned at him suddenly as I shoved his hand forcefully off of me.

"Well, you know what they say? Three's better than one." I said before placing my feet on the floor so that I could stand up and walk away. A firm grip on my wrist kept me from moving as the man's foul breath suddenly invaded my space.

"Trust me, I'm enough man that you won't need three to make up for anything lacking." He said firmly, too firmly, for my liking. Again, I shoved his hand away as I stood up and turned to leave.

"I seriously doubt that." I remarked on a huff as I watched SME's faces grow red with indignation as I started to walk toward them. The man behind me obviously had never heard the word 'no' a day in his life because I unexpectantly felt his hands wrap around my waist as he tried to pull me back against him. I could tell just from the look that came over Spied's face that the situation had over-stepped the bounds of irritation and moved straight into the world of trouble. Behind Spied's shoulder Jamie sauntered up with a murderous look in his own eyes while Patsy hung slyly onto his arms. She had always liked a fight. I could almost see her waving her fingers in the air going _meow _as she turned to face me. I gave them all a look that said _"I've got it under control."_ But they obviously didn't get the hint. Spied marched steadfastly up to the man with a warning gleam in his eyes.

"I think it would be a good idea to let her go, Godzilla." He spat out just about the time that the man's fist came around to make quite a bit of contact with Spied's jaw. The force threw Spied backward and he landed on his knees with his palm now cupping his face. Oh hell, he was mad now. The man behind me chuckled as I noticed something whirring through the air from across the room. _"Oh shit." _I thought suddenly ducking just in time to miss the contact from a long-necked glass beer bottle as it whirred past my cheek. The guy behind me wasn't so lucky. He got it square in the face, and although it didn't do much damage, it did get him to let me go. I quickly pushed away from the man just in time to see several more men enter the fray. Fists went flying, glass broke across various surfaces, and distantly, I could hear sirens blaring in the background. Oh, we so had to get out of there! I looked around trying to survey the situation when another bottle landed at my feet. I kicked it disgustedly. Geez, what did they think this was—the set of an old western movie? All we were missing were the clacking spurs, cowboy hats, and the occasional tumbleweed. A little John Wayne at the moment wouldn't hurt either. I glanced over to see Jamie hitting a guy in the nose, dazing him just enough so that Patsy could finish him off._ "What a strange team?" _I thought to myself as I made my way over to them.

"We have got to get out of here!" I yelled upon reaching their sides. Jamie nodded sullenly and pulled a kicking Patsy up against him as he attempted to drag her toward the back door. I followed close behind while trying to search out SME as I went. It didn't take long to spot them. Spied was conking a man on the head with a pool stick while the other two were swaying awkwardly on the backs of two other men, desperately trying to get them to fall to the floor. I broke away from Jamie and Patsy just long enough to grab Spied's arm all the while motioning to the back door before whispering frantically in his ear. He nodded and together we turned toward the two men who had Wally and Chad hanging off their backs. Unconsciously counting to three, the two of us lifted our knees and plowed them straight into the groins of both men, watching them fall as we grabbed Chad and Wally by the necks and literally dragged them toward the back door. Through the smoky interior, I could see Jamie and Patsy waiting impatiently for us at the Exit. Oh dear God! With them, stood a very irate Tommy probably on a mission from Darius to round us up for more work. I groaned inwardly. This was becoming a very very long night. I shoved the boys ahead of me and was just about to follow when a voice whispered furiously in my ear.

"Going somewhere, sweetheart?" He asked obnoxiously as his hand pressed firmly onto my shoulder causing me to wince at the contact. I clenched my teeth together in out-right rage. I was really getting sick of this guy. I knew from a quick glance at the door that Tommy was about to come to my rescue and I was so not having that happen again. With a sharp twist, I elbowed the man severely in the gut, stomped on his toe, and twisted enough to land one mighty kick into his nether regions.

"Now try using your gifted "I'm enough man for three men" equipment on some other girl. Hmmm..I'd say you might find it out of commission for a while." I yelled furiously as I turned on my heel and brushed by Tommy as I walked toward the door.

"You coming?" I asked nonchalantly as I glanced over my shoulder to see him staring disbelieving at the man on the floor. I could tell he was trying his hardest to keep from grinning as he followed me quickly out the exit. Patsy was clapping her hands in glee as Jamie and SME looked at me with new respect.

"I did tell you I had it under control in there, guys." I said with a shrug and a shake of my head. "But at least you can go home now and tell everyone you were involved in a real bar brawl." I said whimsically. In the background, the sirens I had heard earlier were now blaring in front of the bar. Tommy jiggled his keys from a rental car he had parked near a dumpster.

"Let's just get out of here, huh." He said softly as we all rushed to jump into the vehicle.

**Footnote: What happens after the bar brawl and what happens when an earthquake hits California?**


	9. Chapter 9

"What was that back there?" Tommy asked mildly, although I could tell from the way he had his jaw clenched that he was trying very hard to hold his anger in check. And for some reason, just seeing that clamped jaw of his highly pissed me off. Behind me Patsy 'hrrumphed' as she leaned back against Jamie's shoulder and blew out an amused breathe.

"What did it look like to you, Prince? I'm sticking with the 'we came up with a new dance' line. You know—one, two, three, knockout. Almost like the two-step but with a lot more 'oomph.'" She said sarcastically as she slipped a piece of gum out of Jamie's pocket, loudly unwrapping it before popping it into her mouth. She started smacking on it as Spied tried laughing at Patsy's 'oh so comedic' description of tonight's events. But the only thing that even managed to come out of his mouth was a gasp. His jaw had to be hurting him like an S.O.B.. I glanced behind me and winced as I noticed the swelling that had started there. He gave me a thumbs up sign, although how he thought that gesture would make me feel any better is beyond me. Tommy sighed suddenly and I peered at him through the dark.

"You guys are just asking to leave L.A. early, aren't you, because displays like that are going to get you nothing but a one-way ticket home." He said as his cool began to slip revealing the anger he was trying so very hard to hide. I shook my head gently at him but wisely kept my mouth shut because I knew if I said anything now, I would regret the outburst later. Tom pulled up to the hotel, placed his hand on the headrest of the passenger seat, and turned so he could see everyone sitting in his backseat.

"Just go to bed, all of you." He stated wearily. "I'll just tell Darius that I couldn't find you." He finished with a grimace as everyone started exiting the car. I felt Tommy's hand grab my shoulder as if intending to stop me, but I shook it off, and looked at him with my eyes flashing.

"Save it, Tom. This isn't about them. We just went to a bar to unwind, nothing no one else would do. You just can't stand the idea of me being in trouble. Great! That's fine, but don't take it out on them!" I said angrily as I propelled myself out of the seat and slammed the door in his face, barely missing his fingers by an inch. I ran into the hotel blindly—looking only to change clothes and throw off my shoes. The room was empty when I entered it, and I sighed in relief over the turn of events because I just didn't have it in me to answer any of my family's questions. Hopping into the shower, I washed my hair and my face before drying off and throwing on an old pair of cut-off shorts and a sweatshirt, torn slightly at the neck so that it hung off the shoulder (my whole throwback to the 'Flashback' days). Brushing my hair back off my face, I grabbed a pair of flip-flops and walked out into the corridor. I was going in search of ice cream because nothing says 'sooth your troubled woes' more than a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough when I ran into Spiederman as he brushed by me heading in the same direction.

"Woe there!" I said quickly while grabbing him by the shoulder in order to pull him to a stop. Spied turned to face me and I gasped as I saw the bluish-black mark that covered almost the entire right side of his face.

"Geez, Spied! Did he break your jaw?" I asked with concern as he shook his head slowly.

"No, but it hurts like hell!" Spied said quickly rubbing it unconsciously with his hand. "I'm actually out looking for some ice. I don't think it'll be so bad if I can get some of the swelling down." He finished as I lifted up on my toes to look at the corner of his jaw more closely.

"I'll go with you, and we'll see what we can't do to make it, at least, feel better." I said as I followed him down to the end of the hall. Each corridor had a lounge at the end for all the guests to use stocked with ice, towels, and etc. so we didn't have all that far to walk. Spied ambled over to the low counter near the sink and climbed up while I filled a plastic cup to the brim with ice. Digging through the bag I had remembered to sling over my shoulder when I left my room, I also managed to come up with a bottle of aspirin and some hand sanitizer. Opening the refrigerator, I looked around until I saw a bottle of ginger ale, which I then grabbed and laid on top of my odd collection of knick-knacks. Spied raised his brows at me as I strolled up to him, stopping only long enough to place the items on the counter next to him. Handing him the bottle of ginger ale, I pointed at it and then at the sink before replying,

"Rinse your mouth with that and then spit it out." He complied with my orders and winced as the carbonated beverage bubbled in his mouth. I just smiled at him as he spit before lifting the towel off my shoulder in order to wipe his mouth.

"That hurt, Jude. I really hope there was a point to that and I so freakin' hope that you are not wearing a bra under that sweatshirt." He said warmly as he let his head droop naturally so he could have a closer look at my chest. I smacked him on the hip playfully and lifted his chin up with my finger.

"Open up pervert. I want to make sure that man didn't do any serious damage to that mouth of yours. God knows, you'd expire if you couldn't use it. The ginger ale just loosens some of the blood and cleans the abrasions." I said firmly as I tried to force his mouth open. He threw me a strange look and I shrugged.

"What? Just because I am not good at science does not mean I have no experience with first aid. As many scrapes as Jamie, Kat, and I used to get into, I know all the home remedies by now." I said reassuringly as I leaned forward to gaze at the teeth situated on his right jawbone. Putting my finger in his mouth, I jiggled a tooth near the back that looked slightly loose. Sure enough, it popped right out into my hand.

"Well, there you go. You even have a souvenir to take home with you." I said with a chuckle before dropping the tooth into the palm of his hand and wiping my fingers off with the hand sanitizer. Taking the towel, I spread it out on the counter and poured the ice onto it before tying it shut making a crude but effective ice pack. Spied was silent enough that I glanced at him then to notice him watching me as I turned to hand him the ice.

"God, Jude…" He began, but I stopped him by placing a finger on his lips and he groaned as my breast grazed his arm when I leaned over.

"Don't Spied. Just don't mess it up okay?" I said as I walked in between his open knees, letting him hug me to him—showing him without words that I needed his friendship but that I wasn't willing to step over those constraining bounds. We stayed like that a moment until Spied suddenly stiffened, and I knew without even looking that we weren't alone anymore. I backed away from Spied slowly, looking carefully over my shoulder to see Tommy leaning against the wall. There's no telling how long he had stood there. Spied jumped down quickly, wincing ever so slightly as he did before grabbing the ice pack I had made, kissing me on the forehead, and rushing out of the room without saying anything. I looked over at Tommy and rolled my eyes as I started toward the door—not caring what Tommy assumed or even thought at that point.

"Don't Jude." He said softly and I froze in my tracks as he approached me from behind.

"I didn't come here to argue. I came here to apologize." He said gently, and I could feel the slight stirring of the hairs on the back of my neck as his breath blew across my nape. I just stood there staring at the door wondering if I should just take the apology and leave. I sighed and began to turn around slowly when a sudden jolt caused me to sway backwards. Wow! I must be even more tired than I thought, or at least I assumed until I felt the floor buckle again throwing me against Tommy as we both landed with a bang against the refrigerator. _"What the hell."_ I thought suddenly as the refrigerator began to pitch and sway precariously until it began to lean forward inevitably about to fall. I yelped as something struck my foot causing it to burn like fire, and I watched in horror as the refrigerator pitched forward just as Tommy managed to roll the two of us out of the way landing on top of me as he did in order to shield me from any other falling debris.

"It's an earthquake, Jude." He whispered urgently in my ear as he glanced around us, I assume looking for us a safe place to go. I nodded helplessly, grabbing onto the fabric of his shirt as I noticed that the wall where the door had been only moments before had collapsed. Pulling me along with him, Tommy scooted to the farthest side of the room where the least amount of furniture was at, before lying once again on top of me trying desperately to keep any objects from striking my body. I felt him tense as a drawer flew out of one of the cabinets to land on the wall opposite us crashing to the floor and scattering any contents that had once sat inside. I buried my face into Tommy's neck and bit down on his t-shirt to keep from crying out as the pain in my leg intensified, and Tommy's breathing quickened as one final buck of the earth caused the table to slide into a wall before everything suddenly got quiet and very very dark. Somewhere during the turmoil, the electricity had winked out. Tom lay there a moment longer almost afraid to move in case there was an after shock. His heart beat against my chest as the warmth of his thigh seeped into my bare leg. He leaned over then cautiously before lifting himself easily off of me whispering something about finding some light. Losing the warmth of his body made me even more aware of the agonizing pain in my right leg, and I groaned as I tried desperately to lean over so that I could feel with my fingers what kind of damage had been done to it. I heard Tommy searching carefully through the debris while chattering calmly so I would know where he was at in the darkness.

"That was a fairly mild earthquake, believe it or not." Tommy said quietly as I hrrrumphed in disbelief. He chuckled as a shaft of light suddenly infiltrated the dark, revealing that Tommy had finally discovered a box that contained a flashlight, candles, and a couple boxes of matches probably put there in case of situations like these.

How do you know what kind of earthquake it was?" I asked through clenched teeth as I clutched at my bare leg. He turned to me then, making his way back through the debris to stoop down by my side.

"Because I lived here for a short period of time a few years ago. This room is fairly new but not well fortified which is why there was so much damage. The rest of the hotel probably just got mild damage as the guest's rooms are probably built more towards safety than the lounges are. I give them a couple of hours and the electricity will be back up and then people will start checking all of the lounges and rooms to get anyone stuck out. So, we'll just have to sit tight until then." He said quietly as he leaned over, picked me up to place me in his lap, and then grabbed my foot gently before shining the light down onto my wound. I gasped at the long gash that marred my calf and winced as he carefully pressed at the skin around my ankle. It was tender and I drew in a deep breath as he turned it gently back and forth to make sure it wasn't broken.

"We're going to need to wrap that," He said gently as he pulled off his t-shirt before tearing it into two pieces, creating a temporary bandage. I tried not to stare, really I did, but I don't think I had ever seen Tommy Q without a shirt before and he was just downright beautifully sculpted. I averted my gaze quickly when I noticed he had caught me at the act of ogling his chest, knowing without a doubt that my cheeks were beet red as I grabbed the candles and matches he had sat next to himself before starting to inspect my wound.

"I'll just light these." I said a little too quickly as I scooted gingerly off of Tommy's lap. He didn't say anything, probably because he knew I was embarrassed enough as the striking of the match tore through the silence, sounding almost as loud to me as a bomb. I stopped after lighting five of the candles and handed them to Tommy so that he could place them wherever he thought they would give off the most light. Looking around as light began to illuminate the space, I noticed suddenly that Tommy was right. Despite the terror I had felt during the shaking, very little damage had actually been done. The refrigerator lay on its side on the floor, a drawer was missing from a cabinet, the table was leaning against the wall, and the door leading out into the corridor had collapsed with part of the ceiling falling in on it, which had caused the room to be barricaded in.

"Well, at least you can't run away from my apology." Tommy said with a laugh as I looked up at him in frustration.

"I quit running a long time ago from things like that, Tommy. You know that." I said quietly as I rubbed my leg tentatively. Tom sighed and came to sit down next to me once again before grabbing my foot and massaging it gently around the swollen tissue. I was uncomfortable with his proximity, especially now that his shirt had gone from his back to my leg. I shuddered as he ran his fingertip over my calf, and he pulled his hand away before looking down at me.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked as I shook my head emphatically even though I knew he had hurt me, just not in the way that he was assuming he had. The silence was too great for me, but something about the way Tommy had been looking at Spied and I when he walked in the room earlier just didn't bode well for the easy banter I was hoping would come.

"If you're being quiet because of what I saw between you and Spied, you know you don't owe me an explanation. I just want you to be careful, Jude." Tommy said suddenly. My head snapped up as I looked over at him with my brow arched in confusion.

"Careful?" I asked quickly. Tom nodded as he shifted his weight and leaned heavily against the wall.

"Jude, guys talk. I know that when you and Spied were dating that you went pretty far together. I know you didn't sleep with him, but you two were _a lot _physically closer than you ever were with Jamie or Shay. That kind of intimacy can play havoc with your emotions." He said as I just stared at him incredulously. He so didn't go there! I squirmed uncomfortably as I realized what he probably knew about mine and Spied's relationship.

"I don't regret anything about my relationship with Spied, if that is what you are suggesting, Tommy. Yes, I probably got more emotionally involved with him, but Tommy those are my decisions to make." I said with conviction as I stared at him open-mouthed as I realized he was actually lecturing me about sex.

"I just don't want you to be, I don't know, naïve." He said stuttering slightly on the last word. Naïve, huh? Oh that did it!

"What the…okay whatever Tommy. I have always been very careful about the decisions I have made in my life. Sometimes, I don't make the right ones, but they are my mistakes to make—my mistakes to learn from. I don't need a father in my life, Tommy. I already lost the one I had." I said menacingly as Tommy stood up and walked a short distance away. I watched as the muscles in his back tensed in agitation.

"Jude, I know you…" He began, but I stood up gingerly and limped until I was standing behind him, shoving him slightly as I railed.

"Do you, Tommy? I mean do you really know me? Look at me!" I said loudly as I limped around him until I was looking up into his eyes.

"This," I said pointedly, "is Jude Harrison. I hate sunrises, I love sunsets. I have a secret obsession with chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream although I always eat the cookie dough while leaving the ice cream in the carton. And I buy chocolate icing just so that I can eat it by itself out of the container. My favorite color is red, hence the previous hair choice. I love old episodes of the 'Three Stooges," and I am deathly allergic to shell fish. I twirl my hair when I'm sleepy, I stick out my tongue between my teeth when I am concentrating deeply, and I massage my stomach right before I go on stage to help with the butterflies. For God's sake, I even drool in my sleep, and I am not, I repeat, not afraid of being physical with someone if I feel I am emotionally ready for it. No, I do not love Spied, hence the reason we never went all the way. So, tell me Tommy, what's your biggest problem with him anyway?" I asked loudly, limping in agitation back and forth. He was quiet a moment before I finally heard him move.

"Maybe, because when I see you with him, I hate that it isn't me!" Tommy almost shouted and I froze suddenly dumbfounded. I turned around as delicately as I could with my mouth hanging open as if the hinge was broken.

"What did you say?" I asked almost speechlessly as I gazed up at him from where I was standing.

"You heard me, Jude." Tom said softly before he walked over to the wall and laid his forehead against the wood.

I just couldn't say anything. I just couldn't. Was this something he was saying but wanted to forget later? Was it just a confession for him—something he wanted to get off his chest but not something he wanted to act on? What was it? He had me so confused; I wanted to throw caution to the wind and yell until my lungs were raw and bleeding. I was afraid to touch him—afraid he would just push me away. But I was also afraid that if I didn't then I would never know if I was dreaming the whole bizarre thing.

"Tommy." I whispered almost fearfully. He didn't answer me, didn't even look in my direction as I slowly made my way across the room. Upon reaching him, I just breathed in his scent letting myself revel in his proximity, in the heat emanating off of his skin. Cautiously, I placed my hand on his shoulder running my fingertips slowly and reassuringly down the line of his spine, trying desperately to get some kind of reaction out of him. He looked at me then, his eyes almost black from something that scared me in its intensity. But I was determined not to run. There had been enough running between Tommy and I. His hand came up and cupped my jaw and I closed my eyes as he traced his fingertip delicately along the line of my lips, noticing as he did that his finger trembled from his attempt to hold back the passion both of us had caged inside. I was done fighting the beast, and I let it run free, pulling his face toward mine gently. I knew the moment he told himself _"The hell with it"_ because he became a man possessed. His mouth crashed onto mine and I met him fury for fury releasing all the pent up rage, frustration, and need in one explosive, mind-numbing kiss. My hands roamed over his chest and back and he pushed me up against the wall as his hands began to learn the lines of my body as well. I was in ecstasy—marveling that for the first time, Tommy was really letting me feel him, taste him, know him in a way I never thought I would get a chance to know him. His skin burned me, branding its rough texture into my soul as we fought the needs that pummeled us both. The air sizzled with electricity as the air grew warmer and heavier—filled to the brim with emotion. A noise startled us, and we suddenly pulled back from each other harshly as if breathing weren't possible unless we shared one breath. I averted my gaze from his, not because I was ashamed but because I was afraid that I would see regret reflected in his eyes, and I wasn't ready to see that yet. My body still burned where his hands had roamed as the noise outside the room grew more persistent and the wall began to thin a little. I knew then that we were being dug out of the room and that it was time we re-joined the real world. I looked at Tommy then, allowing myself the glance into his eyes I had been so afraid of just moments before. He was breathing hard and I watched his chest with fascination before my pupils locked magnetically with his. And what I saw there wasn't regret as I had feared before, but sadness. And that, believe it or not, scared me even more than regret. I shook my head as I looked at him wildly.

"It didn't happen if you want it that way, Tommy." I said lamely as he smiled softly and reached out to draw his finger slowly down my cheek and then across my bare shoulder.

"I can't pretend this one away, Jude. I'm not sure that I want to anymore." He said in a tone that sounded suspiciously like defeat. I watched him a moment before grabbing the hand he had laid against my arm and pressing my lips softy into the palm before closing his fingers around the invisible kiss. Then I pushed his hand away placing it gently over his heart as the sound of hammers finally broke through the last barrier.

"You guys okay in here?" a voice asked. I shot one more soulful glance in Tommy's direction before stepping away from him to turn toward the men at the entrance.

"We're fine. Just a few minor injuries." I said confidently as I let the men help me carefully over the debris. Mom, Sadie, Patsy, Jamie, Darius, Kwest, Portia, Liam, and SME all waited on the outside as I brushed away the dust to feel Tommy step out behind me. I shielded my eyes against the sudden light noticing as I did that Portia and Sadie both were staring at Tommy's naked chest as if mesmerized by it even though I knew for a fact that they both had seen it before.

"Are you okay?" Mom asked almost tearfully as she looked at the make shift bandage wrapped around my leg. Tommy's arm brushed mine as he grabbed my elbow to keep me from stumbling as I tried in vain to put weight on the leg.

"When the earthquake hit, something fell on it. I think the ankle is sprained and the gash looks like it might have been made by a nail. We should probably see about getting her a tetanus shot if she hasn't had one recently." Tommy said calmly as he let me use him as a crutch while walking down the corridor. I glanced back at mom then as we walked. She had a knowing expression on her face and I smiled reassuringly at her as I was led toward some medical personnel who were treating minor injuries. A young paramedic took me by the arm and helped me sit down as they looked at my ankle before icing it down and wrapping it efficiently. I saw Tommy speaking with Darius as I had my gash treated, and I watched with a small, sad smile as Tommy walked away with him. I started to sigh in resignation when I suddenly saw Tommy glance back over his shoulder to throw me a small grin. And I just couldn't help it. That one gesture suddenly gave me hope.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: Okay out there. Hopefully those of you reading will love where I am going with this chapter and give me a little feedback at the end. I desperately need to know what you think. Please R&R. **

_Tommy, Kwest, and Darius sitting in Darius's hotel room_.

Darius fiddled absent-mindedly with a letter he had been reading over and over for almost an hour now. It had been a hard decision to make, especially considering the consequences, but now remembering how well the pros outnumbered the cons, he knew without a doubt he had made the right choice. Jude was becoming a rising sensation, and he was finally going to give her the chance to really prove herself away from the studio doing her own main-lining concert tour. A loud tapping noise broke into his reverie as Darius glanced up to see Kwest beating his foot impatiently against the floor while Tom tried his damndest to look bored and disconnected from the whole situation. So, without preamble, Darius decided to put the two men out of their anticipatory misery.

"Rolling Stone magazine was highly impressed with Jude the other day at her interview and has presented G Major Studio with a very interesting offer." Darius said solemnly as Tommy and Kwest leaned forward almost simultaneously, eagerly awaiting what Darius was about to say. Jude had become more than just their job and project over the past year, but a close friend as well—what happened to her mattered greatly to them both. In other words, it had gotten personal. Darius leaned back in his chair and twirled his pencil above his head as he glanced once more at the missive in his hand.

"They want to sponsor Jude in her own concert tour. No starting for another name like Shay, instead they want one of our other artists to open for her." Darius continued as Tommy and Kwest grinned widely—almost giddy with the desire to run and tell Jude. But Darius placed the paper on the hotel desk almost ominously—looking from one to the other with an expression that didn't brook any argument.

"They want her to do a European Tour first—open there, get a feel for the hype and the audience. Build a following there so that when she opens in America next, it will be with a huge line of interviews and international acclaim." Darius said with finality as he shrugged and looked up at the two men. Tommy nodded in agreement.

"It sounds like a plan. Most artists start there. Jude's definitely ready for it. Should we start planning the concert schedule—maybe get Jude prepared for the trip? Her ankle should have just enough time to heal before the final preparations are made. I could check with Portia about wardrobe and with Liam about getting us scheduled for an early flight out in order to prepare." Tommy said while writing down anything he was sure to forget in the excitement. Darius looked pointedly at him as he sighed before leaning forward in his chair slowly.

"Tommy, I want to send Kwest on this trip with Jude. I think it's time to see how she does without her producer." Darius remarked quietly peeking from underneath his lashes as Tommy's face contorted first in rage and then in disbelief.

"You can't be serious, Darius." But even as he said it, Tommy knew without a doubt that he was.

"Don't get me wrong, Tommy. We'll need you to fly over from time to time for a week here or there to help with mixes, help Jude with lyrics, and to keep up to date where we are sitting with sales and publicity. But, no, I don't expect you to be in Europe for her entire tour." Darius remarked quickly.

"I'll need to meet with 'Rolling Stones' to finalize some things, and I'll get back to you about dates and times. Now, go tell Jude the big news." Darius said as he waved his hand ceremoniously signaling that it was time for them to take their leave. Tommy and Kwest stood up silently moving toward the door with their thoughts racing—dwelling on what could certainly be considered a hollow victory now. Tom only got to the end of the hall before he stopped and leaned against the wall behind him, sagging against it as if the weight of the world had fallen onto his shoulders. What was he doing? He just didn't know anymore. No, he didn't regret what had happened between him and Jude, and he wasn't going to pretend that it didn't happen. But he was beginning to wonder if he knew how to deal with it period. She was seventeen, but he had met women his own age a lot less mature than Jude had ever been. Jude wasn't the prettiest girl he had ever been with for he had dated super models during his Boyz Attack days before his marriage with Portia had taught him the consequences of rushing head long into a marriage while you're wrapped up in the business. But Jude was the one girl that no other woman had ever been for him. She was the first that had ever caused him to question himself as a man—to think about the kinds of consequences his choices created. She made him want to be better. Maybe it was time for him to let her show him how.

**Footnote: Here is my quandary. I am coming up to the conclusion of this part of my story and I am trying to decide if I should continue Part 2 (The European Tour) in this story or if I should break away and write a sequel to Note to Self. Leaning towards continuing it here so everyone will know what happened in L.A. and Toronto before thetour but also don't want people to get lost in all the chapters. Also, let me know what you would like to happen to Jude in Europe. I love feedback and I really like playing with all sorts of ideas. Who do you think should open for Jude? What happens when Jude gets embroiled in the lives of some European nobility? What will happen when Jude and the boys are robbed and have to back pack their way to a concert site? Let me know what you think? Smiles.**


	11. Chapter 11

Strumming my guitar silently in the corner, I knew without even looking up the moment he entered the room as if the temperature rose at least ten degrees in an instant. I glanced up at the doorway where he stood speaking quietly with Liam before looking down again at the end of my foot where I had it propped stoically in front of me.

"I don't get it. Why don't you two just hump and get it over with." Patsy said with a shrug from behind me. I gasped at her bluntness before snapping my head around to gaze at her.

"What?" I asked in shock as she just laughed and inclined her head in Tommy's direction.

"The tension between you two is as thick as a piece of lead. I'm just saying that it might ease it up a little." Patsy said as if I was missing a very important point. I lifted my brow in both amusement and unease.

"It's not like that, Patsy. Well, it is but there are just so many obstacles between us. I don't want to say 'age' because it means very little to me, but it means a lot when it comes to G Major Studios, publicity, family, and friends. I'm just saying that it's a big step to take." I said almost sullenly as Patsy hrruuumphed before jumping down off the stool she had been sitting on with a huff.

"Romeo and Juliet were too young too. What, do you guys plan on doing yourselves in with poison and a knife before anyone will admit there's something there?" Patsy said realistically as she shrugged again. I just looked up at her in surprise. She had a point there. Then I smiled as I strummed a chord on my guitar and looked up into her face.

"So tell me, between tattooing your breast, mating with Jamie like a rabbit, and stealing anything not nailed down, when have you had time to read Shakespeare?" I asked amused at the indolent expression that suddenly came over her face.

"Yo, Harrison. I like tortured souls, and that Shakespeare dude was one bad ass tortured soul." Patsy said as she grinned at me before walking over to where Liam and Tommy stood, winking at them before sashaying out the door. I chuckled silently to myself as I watched her leave—that is until I saw Tommy's gaze out of the corner of my eye. I looked at him square in the face then, realizing as I did that something had changed—something big. I saw Kwest enter behind him gazing at me as he did with an expression that both thrilled and chilled me at the same time. He brushed by Tommy and Liam and sidled up to me with a grin before taking a seat on the stool Patsy had just vacated. I quirked a brow at him as he leaned over.

"What's going on, Kwest?" I asked suspiciously as he fiddled with a rubber band he had picked up off the floor beside me.

"Darius just talked to Tommy and I about an opportunity 'Rolling Stones' magazine is offering you, and G Major has accepted on your behalf." Kwest said softly as he began describing the meeting they had just left with Darius. I couldn't help it, I almost squealed with excitement as I looked over at Tommy with a huge smile plastered across my face. I was still staring at him when Kwest stated,

"Darius has decided that I will accompany you on the tour with occasional intermittent visits from Tommy and some of the other staff." He finished warily. The chill that came over me as I listened to him suddenly made me shiver as the smile slipped slowly off my face to be replaced by a grimace. Tommy's eyes filled with a knowing gleam as he realized just by looking at me what Kwest had just relayed. His eyes never leaving my own, he excused himself from Liam and made his way across the room quickly.

"You'll do great, Jude. There is no way in Hades you can pass up this opportunity. Every musician in their right mind waits for an offer like this." Tommy said reassuringly as he stooped down in front of me, being careful not to bump my injured leg. I smiled at him before taking his hand in mine, knowing subconsciously that's what he needed right now, but I still couldn't shake the numb feeling that spread through my insides at the news that Tommy wouldn't go—not because he wasn't going but because we were still trying to figure out what we were to each other. I didn't want to leave not knowing, and I had the horrible suspicion that I was going to have to.

"When do we leave? What will I do about school?" I asked trying desperately to pay attention as I kept staring into Tommy's eyes while gripping his hand much tighter than I probably should have. He must have known that I was afraid. I mean, he had to have known because he laid his other hand on my leg lightly while gently pressing it into my skin as if saying _"relax, Jude." _

We'll be leaving about a week after we return to Toronto to start preparing for the tour. We'll be doing a lot of work from a studio in Britain. It'll give you and the guys some time to adjust to a tour schedule and get some European interviews in before the touring begins. You and SME will finish school through correspondence. We have yet to set that up but once we do, we'll get a tutor or teacher to travel with us." Kwest said quietly as he glanced from Tommy and then to me uncertainly.

"I think I'll go pass the news on to SME. You may want to talk to Victoria and Sadie, Jude. Okay?" He reiterated before standing to walk away. I nodded mutely as I watched him march out the door, afraid to look at Tommy. I was scared the tour would change things between us, and I didn't want that. I mean, you know what they say about tours right? It ruins relationships, and Tommy and I weren't even in a relationship yet. Tommy placed his finger under my chin and held my face up to his.

"It's a good thing, Jude. I won't walk away." He whispered softly.

"Remember what you said about knocking down doors if you ever found one locked?" I asked on a shaky breath.

"Yeah." He answered as I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Well, Are you any good at draining oceans?" I asked with a slight grin. Tommy smiled back and laid his forehead against mine.

"I'm one hell of a swimmer, Jude." He answered with a laugh.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Authors Note: The end for now, but will start posting the sequel in the morning. Please R&R and let me know what you think. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this. I haven't come up with a title yet, but was thinking about keeping it Note To Self: Realizations. Not very creative but that way it's easy to recognize. Smile. Let me know your thoughts on the story. I think I have gotten enough feedback that I think people are interested in a sequel. Hugs to all those who have reviewed. Really looking forward to a lot of reviews before I start writing the sequel tonight so I'll know you're interested. Next story will be absolutely hilarious and eye-opening. R&R. Smiles. **_

* * *

_Later that afternoon_

"What are you working on?" I heard from behind me as I glanced back to see Jamie leaning against the door of my hotel room. I smiled at him as I hefted my guitar up higher onto my knees fiddling with the straps as I did.

"A song." I said with a shrug as I patted the bed next to me. "I thought for sure you would be packing by now." I stated quietly. Due to the offer made by 'Rolling Stone,' Darius had decided that we should leave three days early so that the studio could plan for the big event. Jamie strolled over and took a seat before cocking an eyebrow with a grin.

"I'm letting Patsy do it. I figured it was time I made her act more domestic." He said jokingly, and I laughed at the absurd vision of Patsy doing anything remotely close to following orders.

"Either, she's trying to hide something very illegal in those bags, Jamie Andrews, or you're lying." I said with a chuckle as he shrugged and began fiddling with the notebook I had been writing on.

"What's this?" He asked as he commenced reading what I had written—looking up at me with an expression that was full of both awe and pride.

'That's amazing, Jude! Are you finished with it? Have you got chords completed?" He asked in a rush. I laughed as I peeled the notebook from his fingers. I had never had any qualms about Jamie reading anything of mine. He was literally the brother that my mother never birthed.

"I'm trying." I said weakly. "I _really _want to have it finished by tonight for the farewell concert." I said as I started picking at the guitar again.

"Have you talked to Darius about changing the line up and adding a new acoustic song?" Jamie asked with a wary expression on his face. I shrugged and grinned at him mischievously.

"I figured I would surprise him." I said with a big smile. Jamie laughed and shook his head slightly.

"Oh, that plane trip home will be a long one." He said whimsically.

"It would be if Darius was flying back with us but he, Tommy, and Liam are flying to Europe to talk with the studio Darius wants to use to finalize my album." I said quietly as I looked over to see Jamie looking at me with a very unreadable expression. I expected him to say something but he just looked down at the comforter on the bed, traced the pattern with his fingertips, and then looked back at me.

"I really like the song, Jude." He said quietly before standing up and turning toward the door.

"Stuart would have been very proud of you." He said as he walked out leaving me with tears glistening on my face.

_At the Concert_

I stood backstage listening to the crowd cheer and scream—letting it reverberate through my body filling me with adrenaline and excitement. The concert had gone great and the audience was shouting for an encore.

"Go girl, it's your time." I heard Tommy say from behind me, and I whirled around with my cheeks tinged pink with exhaustion and excitement. I knew he was leaving soon to catch his flight so I smiled at him and waited while he opened his arms to me before walking into his embrace.

"Don't leave yet." I murmured into his chest. "I want you to hear my ending." I finished as I pulled away and looked up into his face. My eyes searched his as I saw the confusion flicker quickly through his eyes.

"Tell me you didn't write a new song to torture Darius with." He said with a laugh. I just shook my head slowly.

"No, this one I wrote for me." I said seriously as I stood on my tiptoes before brushing my lips softly across his.

"Don't forget the oceans." I said quietly as I turned to walk back onto stage with my guitar motioning for SME to stay where they were. Glancing back one more time, I watched as Tommy made his way out into the audience to stand at the back of the room. I still didn't know for sure where we stood, but something had happened between us that left me feeling both warm and insecure at the same time, if that makes sense. Limping slightly to a stool positioned in the middle of the stage, I watched storm clouds gather in Darius's eyes as I hefted my guitar up and leaned toward the microphone. The audience grew dead silent.

"This is a song called "He Rescued Me." I said as I played gently with the strings of my guitar. "It goes out to a very special man—Stuart Harrison." I reiterated as my fingers began to move over the guitar—an old guitar I had brought out and tuned just for this occasion because it had been a gift from my father. Then I began to sing.

_Who was he?_

_Standing in the corner._

_Quietly watching me._

_His face was concealed._

_Watching as I cried_

_Like sand in an hourglass, _

_I was lost in the chaos_

_Soothed by his sudden clasp_

_What once was concealed_

_Was suddenly revealed_

_He rescued me._

_Chorus:_

_Took me by the hand_

_Showed me where to go_

_Gave me my first step_

_Taught me what I know_

_Lent me a helping hand_

_When first learning to stand_

_Gave me support_

_Led me along_

_Taught me what was right_

_When, at first, I did it wrong_

_He was under my skin_

_Deep in my thoughts when afraid_

_How can I live again_

_Now that he is gone_

_He rescued me._

_Chorus:_

_Took me by the hand_

_Showed me where to go_

_Gave me my first step_

_Taught me what I know_

_Watched me grow_

_Guiding me on my way_

_For the seeds we sow_

_Must learn to step away_

_Eyes shown with pride_

_At my decisions_

_Never yelled, nor did he cry_

_When I chose the path_

_Less traveled by_

_Branching out in song_

_He rescued me_

_Chorus:_

_Took me by the hand_

_Showed me where to go_

_Gave me my first step_

_Taught me what I know_

_Now I look back_

_Worried as I do_

_Please tell me I remembered_

_To tell him "I love you."_

And as the last chords played out, I watched with tears glistening at the corners of my eyes as Tommy blew me a kiss and mouthed "_I won't forget the oceans" _as he left to catch his plane.


End file.
